Wretched Stench!

As my stomach lurched I willed it back to just queasy. That had to be the most wretched smell I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. And not just a one time reunion but every day around noon.

You see, I walk my neighbor’s dogs every day at lunch as a favor to her. Her female dog seems to have an anal problem. It was thought to be an impacted anal gland but the vet ruled that out. She possibly had one and the fluid could have seeped into her hair at her back end causing a skunk-like effect. My neighbor was told that nothing would remove the smell.

When she doused the dog’s tail with cologne I begged her to stop. Now my nose was being assaulted with a good smell going very bad! The mixture was nauseating.

I moan to God then repent of my selfishness. Can God use me anywhere in the world if I am so touchy with what I deem as smelly? ‘But Lord that has to be the worst thing I have ever smelled!’ I realize he knows the smell well enough. Is that the worst thing he has ever smelled? Then I realize us humans living in our own sin is probably the worst smell he has encountered.

Dirty, wretched and stinking; like rotting flesh. Clean me and make me whole. I pray to be a sweet odor to your nostrils. A pleasantness upon your remembrance. Anoint me with the oil of gladness and perfume pure and holy.

The Spider Became my Only Refuge

As a young teenager, it was decided that I was ‘rebellious’ and needed help. At that time the options for folks that had money or good insurance was to ‘hospitalize’ the child. By that I am meaning a mental institution. Private, of course, but still the same.

I was labeled rebellious but if any of the well-groomed psychologists had more than a desire to make money they would have clearly seen that I was lonely, abused and feeling quite unloved.

Prior to my being ‘locked up’, I had told my mother about my brother molesting me. My sister had just opened the door to tell her that our father had molested her and I thought this was a good time as any to share my experiences. My mother gave my sister solace and turned to me with a glare and called me a liar! I would have been completely devastated except that this was not the first time my sister got the accolades while I got burned. It was par for course and I was merely hoping.

I was locked up for 2.5 months. It wasn’t ‘bad’ only for the reason that it was better than living at home with my horrid mother and siblings. At one point, the shrink wanted me to write an autobiography or something and I didn’t seem to possess the knowledge to get this done in a timely manner. I was really locked up for 2-3 weeks. I was put in a room with a small window that was too high to see out of, a small bed and a bathroom. I was allowed out to get my meals and bring it back to my room. I was to see no one.

In that great solitary confinement I noticed a spider. I guess he was locked in also. So as to not go crazy from lack of any outside communication I began to talk to the spider. He might have actually been listening… or was that all the medication they had me doped on? He became my only ally. Upon waking I would look for him first thing. I believe I even named him although I cannot remember what it was.

I realize today, maybe the first time realizing this or a memory fault, that not once did I cry out to ‘God’. I was raised in the Catholic Church for about 5-6 years as a child. It was where we went on Sunday mornings and what my relatives did. It was the right and religious things to do. God? He was that man stuck there up on the cross at the front. Authority was the guy up front wearing the robes and hat speaking a funny language. That was the way of life.

So, why would I have called out to God in my time of need? In all that religion I had no idea that he really existed beyond the statue that hung up high from the cathedral ceiling. Then, if I turned my head I could see him sitting pretty in his mothers lap as a child. Who was God?

I believe that during those rough years at home, having every amenity life could afford but no human love, was when I made the choice that I was an Atheist. I knew no better. (I also decided I wanted to become an alcoholic for a career, if that is to give any indication of how confused I was about all of life!)

Five years later, God graciously shone his light on my life and became a reality to me. Now almost 30 years later he is finally becoming the true relationship I have yearned for and looked to man to grow for me, to no avail.

God truly is a good God… all the time… even if we don’t see him. We cannot see the wind but still it refreshes us on a hot day.

The Scents of a New Religion?

As I stepped into the shower and let the rivulets of water splash over me my body relaxed and soaked in the moisture and calming effects. I began the ‘purification ritual’ and soon had a variety of aromas assaulting my nose in the nicest of ways. They were out of this world smells. So soft, fresh and exhilarating to my senses! I quietly thanked the Lord for me being able to enjoy these simple things.

Out of the blue, as fast as an avalanche, I was hit with an over-powering sense of guilt! Well, ok not over-powering avalanche but at least the size of a small dust devil in Texas. It catapulted me out of my heavenly float and dropped me back even wetter than I was! It caused a horrid case of horripilation!

My next thought was, ‘do these smells please God? Is that ok to be thanking him, of all folks, for me being able to put smell-pretty, exhilarating scents upon my own body? Could God ever use me on the mission field knowing my aversion to ‘other’ odors’?

After all, Jesus was from the east where they are not so prone to the American-fluff-need of having great smelling cars, hair and armpits. He wore sandals, probably had dirty feet, the bible spoke of his oily hair and I have seen pictures of the ‘toilets’ they used in those days!

The bible speaks of bathing but it seemed to be mostly concentrated on the rich, powerful or special folks in the king’s court. The writings seem to stem from the Old Testament. None of which Jesus was or frequented for the sake of being refreshed the ostentatious way.

If I am a follower of Christ and I want to emulate him, should I turn in my modern garb for a robe and sandals? I thought about the honey and locust thing like John the Baptist but alas, that was John and not my Jesus. So should I toss the deodorant, the shampoos, creams, perfumes and sprays? Should I go au natural like Jesus!

This could be a completely new religion starting. Imagine the followers! Everyone flocking to the burn fest of all his or her trappings! The smells of burning plastic, chemicals and anything else that might cause us to be removed from Jesus’ likeness.

Indubitably, it would be Gods will for me to conform to his son in the manner of dress, speech and smells. Yea, yea? (Oh, that was King James, eh? Oops!)

Such is the conundrum of us true followers of Christ. To be or not to be. To smell or not to smell? That is the question at hand.

If any of my readers have some suggestions to this impasse please feel free to share your copious thoughts.

I Am in Love!

Wow. What a sensation! This passion envelopes my insides. It has engulfed every inch of me. It feels soft and warm ~ the ultimate embracement. I feel protected and happy. Extremely contented! I feel understood. I don’t have to speak to explain myself because I am recognized. My heart shouts, cries and screams with such spectacular visions.

I have felt warm and fuzzy before. I have felt passionately in love. I have felt desirous to be in love. I have felt wounded by love. I have felt its blows. Love has so many feelings attached to it.

This love I am speaking of makes me smile real big! Even in the dark silence of the night. I find myself engulfed in the hushed sense of belonging and I cannot help but smile. I am secure.

I have had the love of friends, children, husbands, family, grand children and even animals. I have felt that placid love of a child in my arms sleeping so innocently. I have felt the love of the brethren in many churches I have attended and with many of the brothers and sisters in the Lord that I have been blessed to meet along my travels. None compare to this. None.

Who is this awe-inspiring person? This lover so new? This one that has imprisoned my heart and all my sensations so tenderly? Could one man do all this… for one woman? Would he dare? Would he ever rescind if I failed? Would he too walk away at some point down the road? Dare I trust my ardor to him?

Who is this man that has apprehended my heart? His name is Jesus. Plain and simple.

My heart bows tenderly in honor to the one who birthed the essence of true love and bestowed it upon me a lowly maiden with only my life to give in return.

The Heaven-Sleep Chronicles

I just read that Tammy Faye Messner died at the age of 65. For those who do not recognize the name she is the ex-wife of Jim Bakker. They were televangelists that did all sorts of dirty stuff… so the stories read. I am not here to bring judgment on her or Jim.

The purpose of this blog is to continue the Heaven vs. Sleep Chronicles.

Tammy’s ex-husband Jim said of her after her death, "She is now in Heaven with her mother and grandmother and Jesus Christ, the one who she loves and has served from childbirth," he said. "That is the comfort I can give to all who loved her."

In approximately July of this year during an interview with Larry King, Tammy Faye was quoted saying, "I believe when I leave this earth, because I love the Lord, I'm going straight to heaven."

Anyone who reads my blogs knows I have to ask! Tammy and Jim have both ‘known’ the Lord since childhood. Let’s round it off and say about 50 years give or take whatever. So… you’re going to tell me that in that 50 year span of ‘loving the Lord’, serving the Lord, in church, in ministry, as televangelists, as authors and a whole bunch of other stuff I probably don’t know about, that they never read 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17?

For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.

If we all believe that Tammy is in Heaven … right now… the moment after death… presuming that she was the follower of Christ that she claimed to be… then Heaven must be on Earth?? Her body is here on earth. (Cremated but somewhere.)

I hear you say indignantly, but she has a spirit. It is her spirit that went to Heaven. Ok cool, but can someone show me where the scriptures say that our body stays in the ground and our spirit goes to Heaven? And if our spirit in fact does go to Heaven then when Jesus comes down… what exactly will be rising up to meet him in the air… if we are already there?

As you can tell, I am confused. This Heaven vs. Sleep blog chronicle is not just for the purposes of stirring up the body of Christ to it’s entirety in the truth. At least not the redundancy of the questions. They are for me! I want to know. I don’t want to be like Tammy and Jim and assume that just because the church taught it was thus and thus, that it is the truth.

I need to rightly divide the word myself. I am the only one that will be facing God in a judgment against myself. I don’t want to be babbling silly excuses about how I thought it was this way or that way. Maybe God will… not say anything. He will just stand there looking at me with love but in my heart I will know that I did a disservice and injustice by not searching the scriptures to discover his basic and final truths for myself.

Not wanting to know the absolute truths about God’s desires is like not wanting to know if you owe taxes, if you spouse is truly happy, if your boss is pleased with your performance, etc. That’s just sheer ignorance and laziness at its best. I want to be all I can be for my Lord. Heck, we have slogans about being the best that we can be for the Army. Why not for our Maker and lover of our soul?

{A dear brother and friend read my last blog and expounded upon it. Very interesting reading. It can be found at http://gospelapostle.blogspot.com.}

(Also, does anyone know where in the bible it actually says that Jesus or God is the ‘lover of our souls’? I would love to find it! I hear it and it sounds so nice but I am not sure where it is found. Is it one of those great sayings like, ‘God helps those who help themselves’? It’s been passed around from generation to generation alas to be discovered an not having any biblical truth?)

The Heavenly Time Warp

Many years ago, the church I was attending was leading an evangelism course. They believed that folks didn’t like to evangelize the lost mainly because they didn’t know how to. They figured if people were taught what to say and how to say it then it would be easier.

They believed that evangelizing the lost was summed up in one pertinent question. “If you were to die tonight do you know for sure where you would go and why?” The question was supposed to solicit a Heaven or Hell answer. It seemed to be a direct question and one worthy of pondering.

I tried it with conviction and thought it was a solid way to approach the situation of Heaven or Hell.

Now through my re-learnings I think I am seeing that when I die I will not go to Heaven… or Hell… or at least straightaway. It seems that in 1 Thessalonians 4:16 it mentions the dead in Christ rising first to meet him in the air. If… when I die and I go to Heaven, presuming I am a Christ follower, and I am IN Heaven when the trumpet sounds and Christ comes back to gather his own, then… if Christ is coming DOWN on the clouds and I am UP in Heaven already, shouldn’t I be coming down with him?

Would this assume that I will not go directly to Heaven when I die? That possibly I will go into a very long deep sleep.

Funny thing is that as I am asking this question of anyone I can I am getting only 2 answers. They will either say, ‘definitely Heaven!’ or… gee I am not sure. Not because they ponder their salvation but because they are not sure of when the resurrection of the dead will be.

Nowhere in the bible does it say that we go right to Heaven when we die. That’s the way I was taught. That’s what they sing about in most of the contemporary Christian songs. That is what they say at a funeral or about sister so-and-so who just passed away. ‘She is in a better place now. She’s in Heaven with Jesus.’ Is she? Please share with me what scripture says that?

If I am missing something please feel more than free to share with me. I do not want to be reading something that is not there. I have no problem being told I am wrong as long as you can back it up with scripture and preferably not one-liners taken out of context.

Note: For all of you out there in blog-reading land, I am sorry if my past post about me not going to Heaven caught a few of you unaware. Actually, I was wondering if any would read what I wrote or hear what they thought I said. I didn’t say I wasn’t going to Heaven. I said, I wasn’t going to Heaven when I died. I think we all read and hear what we want to believe even if that is not what was truly said.

Thanks and be blessed!!

Who Says My Feet Stinketh?

If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. ~~ John 13:14-15

In 27 years of church services I have never had anyone wash my feet. Why I wonder? The church is hip to the tithe, the guilt, the commands, the rituals, the religion but not to the service of those that attend?

I think if more churches applied the foot washing techniques there would be far less hypocrisy within it. It would weed out the religious seekers and leave only those sincerely desiring all that God would have for them including a heavy dose of humility. Therefore causing the true church of Christ to populate and cultivate in the way Christ had intended.

He never meant for us to get all caught up in the buildings, the funding, the mortgages, the fancy lighting and seats, the best speakers, and child care workers that needed to be paid to teach your children about himself.

How will a little wee one learn the true humility, sacrifice, and love for one another when all he will get is a picture to color and sing a few songs about going to heaven?

Instead of promoting church services we should be promoting ‘service’ unto each other.

When was the last time you saw your pastor serve someone? Oh he works hard each week making you think he is serving you. He is serving his need for power, money and status among the lost little sheepies. But when was the last time he picked up the sheep turds in the back yard? Oh, that is for the ‘workers’ to do you say? Because of course, you will quote that the bible says a man is worth his wages.

Yes he is. So let the man/pastor go out and work. Paul and any of the New Testament folks that shared the good news all worked independently to meet their needs so that they would not be a burden to any church.

Why does modern America have church all backwards? Where is the humility? The service? The servants heart?

Father, burden me with a need to serve your body in any way possible to your glory. Washing feet is not a fun or status filled position but you did it and told us to do it also. If we have not done it to the least of these then it is as if I have not done it to you. Lord I want to ask for you to bring on the feet. Then my human side gets squeamish at the thought of ugly, filthy, dirty feet. Feet that have stepped in nasty stuff. Feet that may not get cleaned too often and have a putrid smell. Oh God you know how sensitive my nose is. But I have to come back to your purpose. You purposed to save me so that I might be a servant in your name for your glory. Lead me on Lord. Wherever you lead I will follow. And if I stumble just know my heart wants to know you deeper than I know myself and that to know the ultimate servant is to emulate his behavior.