The Egg and I

If we are taught that ‘GOD’ is three separate personalities in one; Father, Son and Holy Ghost~then when we finally meet ‘God’ will we see three separate beings, or just one? Will he look like Jesus? What will the Father look like? Or the Holy Ghost? Will we just see them all via our spirit?

I was taught the Trinity was like an egg. Three in one ~ shell, yolk and the slimy part. Is the Father the shell that holds them altogether and the Holy Ghost is the see through stuff? So Jesus is the yolk? Or vice versa?

Was there a hidden message in Matthew 11:30? For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

The profundity of God, his inestimable wisdom and the intense power of the scriptures. Who can really say they know the answers?

But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; ~ 1Corinthians 1:27

I believe that when the scriptures said that Mary pondered all these things in her heart that she was truly in awe of God’s mighty power and his ability to work through her, a lowly human. I, too, ponder all these things! I write them down and blog them for posterity and hoping others out there in blog-world might wonder the same things and if they have any answers however feeble they might be.

Defining Who I Am?

What defines a person? Their marital, job, or religious status? Who am I? Who will I become after the divorce? Will I still be Dawn Allen? I have no ‘job’ status. I am disabled and unable to work in the real world. I will no longer be a wife. I guess I will always be a mother and grandmother except that they are not daily jobs any more.

I will always be a woman. I will always be a Christian…. I hope. I won’t always be alive, married, divorced or have a dog. I won’t always have happiness though I pray to always seek God’s face and not just his hands. I will not always be an artist. I will not always have a computer or a home. Hopefully, I will always have my music to worship the Lord of my spirit but if not, I will make up melodies in my heart!

What defines me? I am a human with a heart that breaks sorely but can lash out in fear at the same time. I can love and hate in the same breath. Am I a vicious person? Don’t I have the love of God supposedly in me? Yes, supposedly. I believe it is an ongoing process ~ just as it is with you my friend.

Does the fear, or hatred, or pain, or love define me? I would think what defines me would be based on who is doing the defining. If it is you, my reader, I may be defined as a hypocritical, judgmental, religious fool. Forbid. To the politician I am a ‘yea’ or ‘nay’ vote. To the neighbor I walk the dogs for I am a great help. To my husband… my step-kids… my mother…my brother…my son…possibly a curse.

The most important would be who God defines me as. Thankfully, he sees past the shame and pain and guilt and hatred and looks deep into my heart to the tiniest shred of delight in him, alone. He gave his life to redeem us from ourselves. His definition of who we are cannot be measured on human scales. Thankfully.

While being a good Christian, going to church, obeying the rules and loving others as ourselves are noble attributes; God only defines us by our true love and desire for a deep, personally intimate relationship with him.

Whilst I am losing all my worldly attachments, my human definitions and the chaff is being burned, all I have left to define me is my heartfelt love towards a God I cannot see. It is the only definition that will carry me through night and day~ dark and light.

I Cry Day and Night!

Here’s my revelation or epiphany for the day.

Maybe, just maybe, people don’t murder because they are evil. Don’t get me wrong. There is much evil in this world and many a person is completely controlled by its forces. But I am not convinced all murders are done out of an evil heart.

I had a dream last night where I almost killed someone. Was it evil that drove me to the desire? No. It was pure instinct that came out of sheer frustration because… this person was pure evil and was taunting me to a point of breaking.

Out of my frustration I wanted to stop that person from taunting me so horribly. The only thing I could think of was to grab the neck and shake the life out! Make them stop! I stopped when I realized what I was about to do.

I cannot totally blame that person for their viciousness. That is all they were taught. No one taught them basic respect or any solid version of how to really love a person. It is out of their ineptness of emotional fortitude that they are the way they are. It fuels their very existence in place of discovering why love is so vital.

It is sad. No one taught me how to love either. I just desired to grasp it so badly that I gleaned from any of the positive folks in my life. Then I met Jesus.

Am I perfect? Not in any way, shape or form. I just have a stronger desire than most to be in contact with reality and all its truths ~ to a fault and to my detriment a times.

Maybe it would have left the world in a better place if I had strangled that person and put the world out of its misery but alas, all I can do is pray that they will find their purpose in life and seek the one who created them to love.

Why?

"Why did I not die at birth?

Why did I not perish when I came from the womb?

Why did the knees receive me?

Or why the breasts, that I should nurse?

For now I would have lain still and been quiet,

I would have been asleep;

Then I would have been at rest

With kings and counselors of the earth,

Who built ruins for themselves,

Or with princes who had gold,

Who filled their houses with silver;

Or why was I not hidden like a stillborn child,

Like infants who never saw light?

There the wicked cease from troubling,

And there the weary are at rest.

There the prisoners rest together;

They do not hear the voice of the oppressor.

The small and great are there,

And the servant is free from his master.

Job 3:11-19

Oh Lord?

We sing our praise songs with all our hearts! ‘Teach me to love you Lord and not the things of this world!’ Then when he does what we ask, we freak and scream!

‘Lord why is this happening? Don’t you love me? Have mercy!’

We are a pathetic, frail bunch of humans in need of God’s judgment. But more so, his constant abiding love, mercy and abundant grace!

Wretched Stench!

As my stomach lurched I willed it back to just queasy. That had to be the most wretched smell I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. And not just a one time reunion but every day around noon.

You see, I walk my neighbor’s dogs every day at lunch as a favor to her. Her female dog seems to have an anal problem. It was thought to be an impacted anal gland but the vet ruled that out. She possibly had one and the fluid could have seeped into her hair at her back end causing a skunk-like effect. My neighbor was told that nothing would remove the smell.

When she doused the dog’s tail with cologne I begged her to stop. Now my nose was being assaulted with a good smell going very bad! The mixture was nauseating.

I moan to God then repent of my selfishness. Can God use me anywhere in the world if I am so touchy with what I deem as smelly? ‘But Lord that has to be the worst thing I have ever smelled!’ I realize he knows the smell well enough. Is that the worst thing he has ever smelled? Then I realize us humans living in our own sin is probably the worst smell he has encountered.

Dirty, wretched and stinking; like rotting flesh. Clean me and make me whole. I pray to be a sweet odor to your nostrils. A pleasantness upon your remembrance. Anoint me with the oil of gladness and perfume pure and holy.

The Spider Became my Only Refuge

As a young teenager, it was decided that I was ‘rebellious’ and needed help. At that time the options for folks that had money or good insurance was to ‘hospitalize’ the child. By that I am meaning a mental institution. Private, of course, but still the same.

I was labeled rebellious but if any of the well-groomed psychologists had more than a desire to make money they would have clearly seen that I was lonely, abused and feeling quite unloved.

Prior to my being ‘locked up’, I had told my mother about my brother molesting me. My sister had just opened the door to tell her that our father had molested her and I thought this was a good time as any to share my experiences. My mother gave my sister solace and turned to me with a glare and called me a liar! I would have been completely devastated except that this was not the first time my sister got the accolades while I got burned. It was par for course and I was merely hoping.

I was locked up for 2.5 months. It wasn’t ‘bad’ only for the reason that it was better than living at home with my horrid mother and siblings. At one point, the shrink wanted me to write an autobiography or something and I didn’t seem to possess the knowledge to get this done in a timely manner. I was really locked up for 2-3 weeks. I was put in a room with a small window that was too high to see out of, a small bed and a bathroom. I was allowed out to get my meals and bring it back to my room. I was to see no one.

In that great solitary confinement I noticed a spider. I guess he was locked in also. So as to not go crazy from lack of any outside communication I began to talk to the spider. He might have actually been listening… or was that all the medication they had me doped on? He became my only ally. Upon waking I would look for him first thing. I believe I even named him although I cannot remember what it was.

I realize today, maybe the first time realizing this or a memory fault, that not once did I cry out to ‘God’. I was raised in the Catholic Church for about 5-6 years as a child. It was where we went on Sunday mornings and what my relatives did. It was the right and religious things to do. God? He was that man stuck there up on the cross at the front. Authority was the guy up front wearing the robes and hat speaking a funny language. That was the way of life.

So, why would I have called out to God in my time of need? In all that religion I had no idea that he really existed beyond the statue that hung up high from the cathedral ceiling. Then, if I turned my head I could see him sitting pretty in his mothers lap as a child. Who was God?

I believe that during those rough years at home, having every amenity life could afford but no human love, was when I made the choice that I was an Atheist. I knew no better. (I also decided I wanted to become an alcoholic for a career, if that is to give any indication of how confused I was about all of life!)

Five years later, God graciously shone his light on my life and became a reality to me. Now almost 30 years later he is finally becoming the true relationship I have yearned for and looked to man to grow for me, to no avail.

God truly is a good God… all the time… even if we don’t see him. We cannot see the wind but still it refreshes us on a hot day.

The Scents of a New Religion?

As I stepped into the shower and let the rivulets of water splash over me my body relaxed and soaked in the moisture and calming effects. I began the ‘purification ritual’ and soon had a variety of aromas assaulting my nose in the nicest of ways. They were out of this world smells. So soft, fresh and exhilarating to my senses! I quietly thanked the Lord for me being able to enjoy these simple things.

Out of the blue, as fast as an avalanche, I was hit with an over-powering sense of guilt! Well, ok not over-powering avalanche but at least the size of a small dust devil in Texas. It catapulted me out of my heavenly float and dropped me back even wetter than I was! It caused a horrid case of horripilation!

My next thought was, ‘do these smells please God? Is that ok to be thanking him, of all folks, for me being able to put smell-pretty, exhilarating scents upon my own body? Could God ever use me on the mission field knowing my aversion to ‘other’ odors’?

After all, Jesus was from the east where they are not so prone to the American-fluff-need of having great smelling cars, hair and armpits. He wore sandals, probably had dirty feet, the bible spoke of his oily hair and I have seen pictures of the ‘toilets’ they used in those days!

The bible speaks of bathing but it seemed to be mostly concentrated on the rich, powerful or special folks in the king’s court. The writings seem to stem from the Old Testament. None of which Jesus was or frequented for the sake of being refreshed the ostentatious way.

If I am a follower of Christ and I want to emulate him, should I turn in my modern garb for a robe and sandals? I thought about the honey and locust thing like John the Baptist but alas, that was John and not my Jesus. So should I toss the deodorant, the shampoos, creams, perfumes and sprays? Should I go au natural like Jesus!

This could be a completely new religion starting. Imagine the followers! Everyone flocking to the burn fest of all his or her trappings! The smells of burning plastic, chemicals and anything else that might cause us to be removed from Jesus’ likeness.

Indubitably, it would be Gods will for me to conform to his son in the manner of dress, speech and smells. Yea, yea? (Oh, that was King James, eh? Oops!)

Such is the conundrum of us true followers of Christ. To be or not to be. To smell or not to smell? That is the question at hand.

If any of my readers have some suggestions to this impasse please feel free to share your copious thoughts.

I Am in Love!

Wow. What a sensation! This passion envelopes my insides. It has engulfed every inch of me. It feels soft and warm ~ the ultimate embracement. I feel protected and happy. Extremely contented! I feel understood. I don’t have to speak to explain myself because I am recognized. My heart shouts, cries and screams with such spectacular visions.

I have felt warm and fuzzy before. I have felt passionately in love. I have felt desirous to be in love. I have felt wounded by love. I have felt its blows. Love has so many feelings attached to it.

This love I am speaking of makes me smile real big! Even in the dark silence of the night. I find myself engulfed in the hushed sense of belonging and I cannot help but smile. I am secure.

I have had the love of friends, children, husbands, family, grand children and even animals. I have felt that placid love of a child in my arms sleeping so innocently. I have felt the love of the brethren in many churches I have attended and with many of the brothers and sisters in the Lord that I have been blessed to meet along my travels. None compare to this. None.

Who is this awe-inspiring person? This lover so new? This one that has imprisoned my heart and all my sensations so tenderly? Could one man do all this… for one woman? Would he dare? Would he ever rescind if I failed? Would he too walk away at some point down the road? Dare I trust my ardor to him?

Who is this man that has apprehended my heart? His name is Jesus. Plain and simple.

My heart bows tenderly in honor to the one who birthed the essence of true love and bestowed it upon me a lowly maiden with only my life to give in return.

The Heaven-Sleep Chronicles

I just read that Tammy Faye Messner died at the age of 65. For those who do not recognize the name she is the ex-wife of Jim Bakker. They were televangelists that did all sorts of dirty stuff… so the stories read. I am not here to bring judgment on her or Jim.

The purpose of this blog is to continue the Heaven vs. Sleep Chronicles.

Tammy’s ex-husband Jim said of her after her death, "She is now in Heaven with her mother and grandmother and Jesus Christ, the one who she loves and has served from childbirth," he said. "That is the comfort I can give to all who loved her."

In approximately July of this year during an interview with Larry King, Tammy Faye was quoted saying, "I believe when I leave this earth, because I love the Lord, I'm going straight to heaven."

Anyone who reads my blogs knows I have to ask! Tammy and Jim have both ‘known’ the Lord since childhood. Let’s round it off and say about 50 years give or take whatever. So… you’re going to tell me that in that 50 year span of ‘loving the Lord’, serving the Lord, in church, in ministry, as televangelists, as authors and a whole bunch of other stuff I probably don’t know about, that they never read 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17?

For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.

If we all believe that Tammy is in Heaven … right now… the moment after death… presuming that she was the follower of Christ that she claimed to be… then Heaven must be on Earth?? Her body is here on earth. (Cremated but somewhere.)

I hear you say indignantly, but she has a spirit. It is her spirit that went to Heaven. Ok cool, but can someone show me where the scriptures say that our body stays in the ground and our spirit goes to Heaven? And if our spirit in fact does go to Heaven then when Jesus comes down… what exactly will be rising up to meet him in the air… if we are already there?

As you can tell, I am confused. This Heaven vs. Sleep blog chronicle is not just for the purposes of stirring up the body of Christ to it’s entirety in the truth. At least not the redundancy of the questions. They are for me! I want to know. I don’t want to be like Tammy and Jim and assume that just because the church taught it was thus and thus, that it is the truth.

I need to rightly divide the word myself. I am the only one that will be facing God in a judgment against myself. I don’t want to be babbling silly excuses about how I thought it was this way or that way. Maybe God will… not say anything. He will just stand there looking at me with love but in my heart I will know that I did a disservice and injustice by not searching the scriptures to discover his basic and final truths for myself.

Not wanting to know the absolute truths about God’s desires is like not wanting to know if you owe taxes, if you spouse is truly happy, if your boss is pleased with your performance, etc. That’s just sheer ignorance and laziness at its best. I want to be all I can be for my Lord. Heck, we have slogans about being the best that we can be for the Army. Why not for our Maker and lover of our soul?

{A dear brother and friend read my last blog and expounded upon it. Very interesting reading. It can be found at http://gospelapostle.blogspot.com.}

(Also, does anyone know where in the bible it actually says that Jesus or God is the ‘lover of our souls’? I would love to find it! I hear it and it sounds so nice but I am not sure where it is found. Is it one of those great sayings like, ‘God helps those who help themselves’? It’s been passed around from generation to generation alas to be discovered an not having any biblical truth?)

The Heavenly Time Warp

Many years ago, the church I was attending was leading an evangelism course. They believed that folks didn’t like to evangelize the lost mainly because they didn’t know how to. They figured if people were taught what to say and how to say it then it would be easier.

They believed that evangelizing the lost was summed up in one pertinent question. “If you were to die tonight do you know for sure where you would go and why?” The question was supposed to solicit a Heaven or Hell answer. It seemed to be a direct question and one worthy of pondering.

I tried it with conviction and thought it was a solid way to approach the situation of Heaven or Hell.

Now through my re-learnings I think I am seeing that when I die I will not go to Heaven… or Hell… or at least straightaway. It seems that in 1 Thessalonians 4:16 it mentions the dead in Christ rising first to meet him in the air. If… when I die and I go to Heaven, presuming I am a Christ follower, and I am IN Heaven when the trumpet sounds and Christ comes back to gather his own, then… if Christ is coming DOWN on the clouds and I am UP in Heaven already, shouldn’t I be coming down with him?

Would this assume that I will not go directly to Heaven when I die? That possibly I will go into a very long deep sleep.

Funny thing is that as I am asking this question of anyone I can I am getting only 2 answers. They will either say, ‘definitely Heaven!’ or… gee I am not sure. Not because they ponder their salvation but because they are not sure of when the resurrection of the dead will be.

Nowhere in the bible does it say that we go right to Heaven when we die. That’s the way I was taught. That’s what they sing about in most of the contemporary Christian songs. That is what they say at a funeral or about sister so-and-so who just passed away. ‘She is in a better place now. She’s in Heaven with Jesus.’ Is she? Please share with me what scripture says that?

If I am missing something please feel more than free to share with me. I do not want to be reading something that is not there. I have no problem being told I am wrong as long as you can back it up with scripture and preferably not one-liners taken out of context.

Note: For all of you out there in blog-reading land, I am sorry if my past post about me not going to Heaven caught a few of you unaware. Actually, I was wondering if any would read what I wrote or hear what they thought I said. I didn’t say I wasn’t going to Heaven. I said, I wasn’t going to Heaven when I died. I think we all read and hear what we want to believe even if that is not what was truly said.

Thanks and be blessed!!

Who Says My Feet Stinketh?

If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. ~~ John 13:14-15

In 27 years of church services I have never had anyone wash my feet. Why I wonder? The church is hip to the tithe, the guilt, the commands, the rituals, the religion but not to the service of those that attend?

I think if more churches applied the foot washing techniques there would be far less hypocrisy within it. It would weed out the religious seekers and leave only those sincerely desiring all that God would have for them including a heavy dose of humility. Therefore causing the true church of Christ to populate and cultivate in the way Christ had intended.

He never meant for us to get all caught up in the buildings, the funding, the mortgages, the fancy lighting and seats, the best speakers, and child care workers that needed to be paid to teach your children about himself.

How will a little wee one learn the true humility, sacrifice, and love for one another when all he will get is a picture to color and sing a few songs about going to heaven?

Instead of promoting church services we should be promoting ‘service’ unto each other.

When was the last time you saw your pastor serve someone? Oh he works hard each week making you think he is serving you. He is serving his need for power, money and status among the lost little sheepies. But when was the last time he picked up the sheep turds in the back yard? Oh, that is for the ‘workers’ to do you say? Because of course, you will quote that the bible says a man is worth his wages.

Yes he is. So let the man/pastor go out and work. Paul and any of the New Testament folks that shared the good news all worked independently to meet their needs so that they would not be a burden to any church.

Why does modern America have church all backwards? Where is the humility? The service? The servants heart?

Father, burden me with a need to serve your body in any way possible to your glory. Washing feet is not a fun or status filled position but you did it and told us to do it also. If we have not done it to the least of these then it is as if I have not done it to you. Lord I want to ask for you to bring on the feet. Then my human side gets squeamish at the thought of ugly, filthy, dirty feet. Feet that have stepped in nasty stuff. Feet that may not get cleaned too often and have a putrid smell. Oh God you know how sensitive my nose is. But I have to come back to your purpose. You purposed to save me so that I might be a servant in your name for your glory. Lead me on Lord. Wherever you lead I will follow. And if I stumble just know my heart wants to know you deeper than I know myself and that to know the ultimate servant is to emulate his behavior.

Sex Pure and Simple!

I think we have been taught to believe that there are very few reasons to not keep a marriage intact. Most would use the scripture Matthew 5:31-32: It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

In Exodus 21:10 it says, If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.

Here it not only says that a husband should give his wife ‘duty of marriage’ or in other words, meet her sexual needs, but that was applied if he were to take on a second or third wife! God expected the man to fulfill all the sexual needs of however many wives he took. That’s a lot of ‘need-meeting’!

I wonder what happens if a husband does not or will not meet her needs physically. Does it cause a burden within her? Or does she just learn to put away the God-given desires that were granted to her and allowed to be explored in her marriage?

I think of the stigma of divorce. Or at least the church created stigma. If divorce is a sin then does God really regard one type of sin any worse than another? Why is it that folks want to tell me I am trying to justify my divorce yet they sin by sinning every day and it is ok? Why is it ok for a pastors wife to call a Christian an unsaved pig yet that is not sin?

I think the Christians have taken to interpreting the bible in any way they deem fit for their purpose and God’s detriment. I think we are a self-righteous bunch of religious hypocrites that delight in wagging our fingers at others so no one will notice the sin within our lives. But sadly it is evident.

Brothers and sisters, I am preaching to myself also, let’s learn to appropriate just a bit of that grace that was so freely given to us by our Lord and Savior! Without grace we would all be doomed to live in our shallow pits of desperation.

Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.~~ Matthew 25:45-46

I am Not Going to Heaven?! Why Not?!

In the 27 years of church life I was told many things. I was told to just have faith and believe. I was told to repeat prayers… but mean them in my heart. I was told to pray more, read more, attend more church services. I did it all! And now I find out I am not even going to go to Heaven when I die!? What!?

Why? What did I do wrong? What did I forget to do?

The songs all talk about walking the streets of gold, dancing with the angels and seeing our loved ones! Well at least those that we believe accepted Jesus into their hearts. Why did all the pastors tell me if I accepted Jesus that when I died I would go to heaven!?

But I am not! Why did they tell me that? Why did I believe them? Why am I not going to heaven when I die? Why?

11:13 P.M.

Last night went by without much flair. I finished painting a small dresser. Did some laundry. Listened to the celebrating neighbors’ off-colored jokes and loud drinking voices as they ‘partied’. I thought my daughter was going to come over with my grand-daughter to swim but then they decided on something else. So other than the loud neighbors it was fairly quiet.

I thought I heard some fireworks off in the distance and went to the balcony to see if I could see anything but they must have been far enough away or on the other side of the building.

I decided to head to bed early. I climb in bed to finish the end of my book. (I am rereading ‘So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Any More’ by Jake Colson. Free online book. Fantastic!) I turn the lights off around 11:06 and am laying there just talking to the Father about life and how badly I want his life in mine. I am talking about all the incredible things that I read in the book and how I want that for my life. I am asking again about the divorce and if I am supposed to be going through it. I slowly drift off to sleep.

Bang! Bang! The noise woke me up. I thought it was the blinds banging against the windows from the wind. I looked around the room but there was no wind or blowing blinds. I sat up for a few seconds then got up to check the rest of the windows in the room. As I get to this one open window the fireworks caught my attention!

I was looking around to see where they were coming from. And why? They were not personal bought fireworks. They had a definite cadence in their sounds, colors and artwork. It was like a mini professional firework show… for me?! I watched in awe. They were seeming to be coming from the open field where the cows grazed. But who at this time at night would be setting off this show? Again, this was not just some people lighting a few cheap, random fireworks in their back yard. And why at this time at night and not when the rest of the town was doing theirs? I watched in awe. I just smiled.

The whole show couldn’t have lasted more than a minute. As I headed back to bed pondering all this and smiling my eyes spotted the clock. They went off at 11:13 p.m. 11:13. November 13th, that’s my birthday. How odd. What did this mean, if anything.

I think of seeing Evan Almighty the other day and in the movie God kept trying to get Evan’s attention through his clock that said 4:16. The clock was a GENeral Electric and all but the GEN of the silver writing was worn off so it said Gen. 4:16 which is what God was trying to show him.

Special fireworks just for me at 11:13. Wow. It just makes me smile to wonder how and if God will reveal this to me.

Bearing or Wearing?

They say that citrus fruits are very important and their vitamins are essential for daily living.

Many years ago I was attending a church and the women put on a ‘Christian’ fashion show. I couldn’t care less about a fashion show. I was out to learn about God and all he was about not such silly, superficial events.

Then I learned that it truly was a ‘Christian’ event in that all the clothes that would be modeled would have to be scriptural at some point. Oh, yes! That was right up my alley!!

At that time in my life, I was really delving into the fruits of the Spirit. This is when I began to notice that there were many so-called Christians that wore their fruit like a badge. The fruit did not exude from within them but only by an outside appearance.

I was able to model two different dresses or outfits for that show. I took my best dress and I bought lots of plastic fruit. I stuck Velcro to the fruit and my dress. The fruit hung all over the outside of my dress. Of course, this brought much laughter from the audience! I was hoping God would speak to those serious about him about the fruitless concept of trying to make others ‘think’ they were bearing fruit when in fact they were only wearing it.

If I were to do it again I might add something to resemble the fruit worthy of repentance.

**The second dress I modeled was a beautiful wedding gown. I strutted out on stage doing my elegant turns to let everyone see the dress. Then when I felt I had their utmost attention I slowly lifted the hem of the gown ever so slightly to show big army boots underneath. It was supposed to be representing the Bride that wore combat boots. Or how we as the Bride of Christ are in a spiritual war for our very lives.

The Truth About the Crucifixion ~~ A Dawnism

Disclaimer ~ This is my interpretation of the crucifixion just for today. This is not THE truth but a Dawnism for the day.

I am thinking today that the truth behind the crucifixion is that it was solely perpetrated by the Christians themselves! Let me explain. I am sure you have noticed that you have had one, two or more truly well-meaning Christian friends or ‘brothers and sisters in the Lord’ that had a ‘word’, ‘prophecy’ or something other to give you straight from Gods mouth. I am sure you have heard that they prayed about ‘your’ situation and God told them thus and thus. Therefore, you need to do this or that or you will be out of Gods will.

This is a redundant problem. It is kind of like being constipated or having hemorrhoids. Not everyone has the problem. Just a selected group that fit into whatever category of bad eating patterns or maybe an over-indulgence problem. On the spiritual front I think I will call this a ‘Plethora of Pastors Pride’ and they certainly have no problem with passing it down to the flock.

Ok, so we all know I am going through a divorce. Why would these Christian folks ask me something as dense as, ‘Have you prayed about this?’ Uh.. golly no… I flipped a quarter. What do you think! Of course, I prayed about it! Constantly, non-stop, persistently, relentlessly, all the time, frequently, always!!! (Doinks!)What do they think? While I was getting a pedicure I flipped a coin and it… fell in the water unseen… so I flipped another and… it said, go ahead and divorce the bloke???

Come on now dear fellow brothers and sisters in the Lord! Are you so gullible and filled with your own fanciful delusions to think that only YOU hear from God? That you are so mighty that only YOU pray continuously?? That God only speaks through YOU??

Then… oh my I feel a Pentecostal movement about to happen… the Holy Spirit is shaking me… never mind, it’s gone. Ok, then… and don’t get me wrong, I have so been there, done that and shoved the t-shirts down their throats, we have the gall to think that our way is THE way! And unfortunately this tends to come from the babies in Christ! The single person will coach me on my marriage, the childless couple will tutor me on child rearing, and the newlywed will instruct me on how to make my marriage last?? EH? What’s up with that?

Yes, I remember the scripture that says that God will give wisdom and to not to let them despise your youth or something like that but again all this needs to be taken into historical and biblical context. What happened to being prudent? When I was younger, I would have never had the gall to tell an elder one, meaning someone older than me, older in years, marriage, experience, etc., that I knew better than they did. Any book learning I could have acquired would never equal to real life experiences. Yet we have these well-meaning Christians all running around giving words out like candy at Halloween time! They consider themselves God’s special messengers. They are so puffed up in their delusion that God not only talks to them but they are his mouthpiece.

Well fancy that! But guess what? He speaks to me too. I may not be living my Christian life the way you think I should be. I may not interpret the bible the way you do. I may not believe all the things that were illegitimately taught to me in all those years of my church going. But I am in the best place God has for me for right now in my life and IF… I say IF I am doing something wrong… IF I am hearing wrong… IF I am interpreting the scriptures wrong then have faith my friend that God is more than able to speak to me and lead me into all truth… maybe in his time… not yours.

If you spend so much time praying and hearing from God about things other Christians should be doing then continue to pray, not for revelation into my situation but that God would give me the revelation into his perfect will and peace throughout.

Why do I think, for today, that the Christians crucified Christ? Because ‘Christians’ can be judgmental, prideful (Godly pride of course), know-it-alls, condescending, snobby, and all too religious for their own good and Gods. ‘Christians’ will stab you with their pious words; slap you with their godliness and call you on the carpet if you don’t do it their way. They will rebuke you and say God told them to do it to justify their actions.

The bible tells us who really crucified Jesus on that day he died upon the cross. But we crucify him daily with out righteous thoughts, copious thoughts, and wicked hearts.

Father, forgive me for being righteously rude, for crucifying your son repeatedly by my self-righteous acts and condemning words. Help me to be a true follower of Christ and not just a follower of the movement of Christianity. Cause me to seek your face for all my needs and to learn to wait on you. Let me rest in your peace and the words that you have given to me for me. I love you Father and desire to do good for your glory.

God got Divorced?!!

And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.~~ Jeremiah 3:8

All my years in the church taught me quite a bit. It taught more bad than good unfortunately. I was 24 with three children, and just lost a baby. Two of my kids were deathly ill requiring me to be in the emergency room 3 nights a week, multiple weekly doctor visits, breathing machines and bottle upon bottle of medications. My husband at the time ran home to his mommy every other month for a month or two. That wasn’t the bad part. That was the good times. When he was home, there was a constant barrage of mental abuse towards the kids and me. I grew up with mental, emotional, physical and sexual abuse. I tried for the sake of Christianity and the church to hold on and pray it through.

Late one night while on a personal prayer vigil I decided that if God intended my kids to be abused then maybe he wasn’t who I wanted for a god. Certainly, my God would not want me to keep my kids in this situation. I decided on a divorce and 2 days after telling my husband my decision he had me served the papers.

I struggled so hard for fear that I was letting God, the church and Christianity down because I was unable to uphold the scriptures. The one that comes to mind is ‘God hates divorce’.

That was 23 years ago. Wow. I am almost twice as old. Twice as wise? Not so much! But here I am going through an unwanted divorce. Again, in my spirit or flesh I want to find the scriptures that will tell me easily if God will be eternally mad at me, if I will lose my rewards, or if he will ever talk to me again. Geez, how many times can a person go through this divorce process in a life without being disowned or something?

I started a Google search for biblical answer to ‘God’ and ‘divorce’ and funny thing what I bumped into. God divorced Israel! What!?? Oh, I am sure I heard that taught somewhere in my almost 3 decades of Christianity but it certainly was not one of those loud, get in your face messages the preachers wanted you to take notes, get the CD and remember for your life. No not this one!

Now my Christian friends are reminding me that God in fact did not divorce Israel but that he was just giving her an ultimatum. So being the diligent person that I am, I went to the Greek. I am not trying to bring on opposition, rather I NEED to be able to discern for myself what the scriptures say and mean for myself apart from all my well-meaning Christian friends and pastors thoughts.

Greek for ‘bill of divorce’: bill= letter (of instruction), written order, commission, request, written decree, legal document, certificate of divorce, deed of purchase, indictment, sign.
Divorce= divorce, dismissal, divorcement.

That sounds like a full-fledged divorce to me! It doesn’t sound like or imply an ultimatum.

Then I hear about a verse in Malachi that says, ‘God hates divorce!’ Wow. That is strong. But when I go to look it up I cannot find it. I will write a second part of this blog to show my finding on what Malachi was talking about.

One reading, which was very helpful, can be found at http://www.tyndale.cam.ac.uk/Brewer/3Weddings.htm. This person did an in-depth study for Tyndale on God and divorce. It is very enlightening. Either in this paper or one that was a writing about this paper it said that the reason God hated divorce was because he went through one and knew the pain involved in loving one so deeply and being shunned. He completely understood the depths of the broken heart and all the pain involved. They said this is why he truly hated divorce. It could be. I will have to research before I give my yea or nay on that one.

Either way, what I learned this week is that God himself got divorced and that he is not going to cut me off for doing something that he himself did. My God is not a hypocrite. If it was ok for him then I am sure it might be ok for me. Is it the best decision? Who knows? Divorce is never easy for either partner. There was a cleaving and now a strong pulling apart. For me unfortunately, the pulling apart started or happened a long time ago. This is just ending what has started too long ago.

The paper I mentioned above says a lot more. Maybe I will write more on that. I know that this is a touchy subject. The very people that they are putting their trust in mislead most Christians. Why won’t a Christian church tell you that God got divorced? Or that this walk with Jesus is not about a set of do’s and don’ts. Jesus came to abolish the Ten Commandments yet we allow ourselves to be roped in by them again and call it obedience or submission or some other silly name that the institutions have chosen.

Be blessed and enjoy God today!!

Prosperity Praise CD! Order Now!

Drive-through church

Too funny! Too sad! Too true!

What is Marriage? Is it a Paper or a Commitment?

I feel that I am married only on paper yet some well meaning Christians want to bring up all the marriage scriptures. I am not trying to negate the wisdom or validity of the scriptures. Yet they do need to be taken into a historical and a contextual way. You need to look at the character and consistency of who God is before you can make specific distinctions on what a single or two verses really says. Let’s look at the two situations. Married as a piece of paper and married as a commitment.

Married as a piece of paper:

If I am married only on paper due to the fact that there is no physical, emotional or spiritual ‘blending’ between my husband and I then it would be fair to say that a person that repeats a salvation prayer and gets a little certificate saying they are ‘born-again’ is truly born-again. They do not have to act born-again but by virtue of that piece of paper and them repeating some words after a man they are born-again.

Married as a commitment:

If you look upon my marriage as a commitment that my husband and I made yet the dedication is not being appropriated daily or regularly, is there really a commitment being upheld? If I make a vow to follow Christ then get all consumed within the church, the events and the hype of American-Christianity is there a real commitment to Christ or to the institution and tradition?

Christ is looking for a bride without spot or wrinkle. He is looking for a pure bride. One that is completely and totally dedicated to doing his will and seeking his heart in all matters. He will come back one day for this very bride and say to the rest ‘depart from me I never knew you’.

Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity. ~~Matthew 7:22-23

It goes on to speak of being doers of the word and not just hearers. The character of God says that he is not interested in your speech of being a born-again Christian or even that you have an 8’X11’ glossy certificate in a pine wood frame on your wall to prove it. He doesn’t care how many Lexicons, dictionaries, bibles or study notes you have. He is not interested in your highlighter collection or how many version of the bible you have on CD. He only sees your heart. That is the true character of God and the culmination of the complete and fulfilled word of God. He has always and only looked for your heart.

If the heart of my marriage has been lost, broken or stolen then the crux of the marriage is gone. Yes, I can hear the super spiritual folks saying, ‘But God can heal that marriage! You need to trust Gawd and have
F-aiiith!’ First, I have been. Second, nowhere in the bible does it say God will heal my marriage. My husband is his own entity. God will not twist his arm to be a proper husband or to love me. God is not going to over-step my husband’s will and zippity-zap him with a heart for me. My husband has to want it.

Like salvation, one must want it or see their need for God to intervene in their lives. He cannot and will not zippity-zap people into his kingdom or else we would all be a heap of robots and the hearts content would be void.

God does not want a mass of hypocrites playing church and saying they are Christians to be in his kingdom. He is looking for a spotless bride of unimaginable worth in his eyes and heart. I too want this in my life. It is hard to have a piece of paper that says I am married but that is all that holds us together. I want someone that will love me for who I am, see the beauty in my service, dedication, and love. Someone I can pour my love out to without being emotionally assaulted or rejected.

Is this too much to ask for? This is all God is wanting.

It is not my intention to butcher scriptures for the sole purpose of justifying my actions. God knows my heart. And he is the one I will stand in judgment before. Good or bad. Just as you will be accountable for your relationship with him ~ whether it is on paper or written on your heart.

Here is an Example of a Seeker Sensitive Church!

How else does a VBS group teach little wee ones about the seriousness of Christ? Like this of course!



Not only are these kids going to have cavities, they are going to be sick, wound up and still know nothing about why they are supposed to be at VBS!! Very Bad Stuff!

To God be the glory?? Pray for the little ones that toddle off to your local VBS this summer. Maybe they will be fortunate to discover the real meaning of why they are supposed to be there.

Is the seeker sensitive, emergent & modern church biblical?

All Her Money Couldn’t Save Her!

How sad for Paris that all her riches couldn’t procure a blessing! She couldn’t buy her way out of jail! Hail to the strong one’s upholding justice.

But I wonder…in her days of sorrow and tears if it will make an impact on her life to… find Jesus? OH! Sorry, wrong parable! If it will help her to look at life a *little* differently? Will she get to know any fellow prisoners and learn compassion and commiserate with them? Or laugh over their follies?

I guess no one but God will truly know if this respite of hers will be a piece of the rough rock of a hard cold rich heart that could be hewn into a softened beauty of grace.

Come, you rich men, weep aloud and howl for your sorrows which will soon be upon you. ~James 5:1-2 (Weymouth NT)

I’m an Evolutionist?

As a follower of Christ, I guess I always believed myself to be a creationist. I believe God created the world. However, tonight I realized that I also very much believe in evolution.

This is what brought me to my conclusion. In the 1950’s the media taught us that it was the norm to have 1 wife or husband, 2.3 kids, a dog and 1 car. Most lived in simple houses and the wife stayed at home to raise the children while the husband went out to work. He got home around 6 pm and they ate supper. The kids had a bedtime, the parents may or may not have slept in the same bed, undergarments were a private issue and soft porn was the J.C.Penney catalog.

As the generations grew up the thought processes also developed. Almost 60 years of evolving have now produced not just a rampant surge of homosexuals but laws to protect their rights in the home, work place, and public for situations concerning their feelings, their needs and concerns that need to become everyone else’s also.

The insidious need to create a peace within this wicked world means that the floodgates to other countries will be open and the safety that US of A used to represent to the American family will no longer exist. Peace cannot come from allowing every immigrant free reign to everything our grandparents and we worked desperately all our lives for.

After the laws begin to pass more frequently to allow civil unions between homosexuals then we can look forward to evolving towards legalizing polygamy. Possible after that then rape, incest, child molestation and maybe murder will be justified in the process of garnering favoritism for political status or financial gain.

And when will sodomy and bestiality be ok? Oh heck, give it another decade or so. We humans truly are evolving at a rapid pace aren’t we? The sad part is the monkeys in the zoo that are laughing at us! They only pick at each other and eat their feces. That is nothing compared to us humans!

We have so evolved. Truly sad… but evolved.

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkens unto counsel is wise. Proverbs 12:15

R.M.C.O.G

R.M.C.O.G
Died in mid-1990’s!
Still Dead!

In 1993, I attended a small church here in Denver. They were growing. Soon they had a great opportunity to acquire a larger church that would meet their needs. We made the move. Most everyone came to the new church building.

The church continued to grow. I became a part of the ‘church’. I opened the church at 4 am for daily prayer meetings. We held all night prayer vigils. The pastor was personable. We were like a big family. Most of us were there whenever the doors were open. There were lots of potlucks, events, and stuff going on.

As one got closer to the inner workings of the church, the pastor and staff per se, it was clear to notice the dissention. The pastor was new of about 1-2 years whereas the music minister had been at the church for a decade or so and kind of felt like it was ‘his’ church’. Some of the congregation had been there for a long time and followed the music minister and the newer folks followed the pastor.

Of course, there were the group of folks that only attended on Sundays and maybe an occasional Sunday night that knew nothing about the disagreements and followed neither.

Eventually, after about 5 years I had enough of the factions, cliques, being told who I should listen to and why, all the gossip and nastiness. And these were all grown adults!

In 2000, I moved to Tennessee for a hiatus of hell. When I returned to Denver in 2005, I hooked up with an old friend who had been at that mentioned church for a very long time off and on. She suggested that if I was looking for a church again to come check them out. The pastor had moved… to Tennessee and the music minister had since left also. She was implying that the air from the old problems should be clearer.

I show up one Sunday morning. So… I am sitting there in the pew waiting for ‘church’ to start. (Doesn’t that sound funny!?) I start to visually peruse the place and think I am recognizing people. Some are quite noticeable while others I had to really think about. When my friend comes to sit down I start to ask her, ‘Is that so-and-so? And him and her… is that…?’ She laughs and replies yes to all. Wow.

The sad part is how I was able to recognize these folks. These die-hards had been at that church forever. They follow the church every time it moves and most stay with it even when the pastor changes.
Die-hards.

As I sat through that service, still looking about I realized some people that I recognized were not just die-hards. They were DEAD. Hush! Now don’t get all choked up and think of nasty things to comment to me about! I am not being harsh! Listen up!

Do you know how I recognized these people? They still looked the same. Forbid, I know what I looked like 12 years ago and what I looked like now. I had been through hell in those years and I ‘matured’. My hair was longer, cut differently, I had gained weight, gotten married, became a grandmother 3 times over and lots of other stuff.

These people had the same hairstyle, the same style clothes and still acted the same. I didn’t see a lot of maturity in their actions. It was so sad. There was no growth physically, emotionally or spiritually from what I could see on the outside in a few minutes of watching. That was sad.

But how many churches have the same thing going on? Folks get comfortable sitting in the same pew week after week getting to know the names of the four others that sit around them. They sing the same songs, eat the same potluck, shake the same hands and go home on time. Forbid that the Holy Ghost might want to get a word in edge-wise! They are so caught up in their religious behavior that they think they are Christians for doing their duty. And forbid, anyone tell them differently!

Can you imagine if I commented on the outfit they were wearing that I thought I recognized from the last time I saw them… 12 years ago!!! Croak! They would probably righteously hit me with their ‘sword’ or better yet ‘rebuke me’!

God wants our hearts. Not our actions. Not our duty. Not our rituals. Not our supercilious attendance to religious events! Our hearts! That is all. Period.

Pretty Please?! With Hot Chocolate Mousse and Cherries?

I came to the end of my rope this week with my grown daughter and grandkids living with me. It has been eleven very long, exhausting months. People rooted me on to ‘hang in there’ and ‘keep holding on!’ I decided I would rather let go of the rope and if I was lucky, I might fall in front of a Mac truck on the autobahn or into shark infested ocean waters. Now that sounded like fun!

My daughter’s lifestyle and mine clashed. Not because I am a Christ follower and she is not but because I directly oppose liars, cheaters, manipulating, dirty, lazy people that like to take advantage of everyone.

The religious term is fervent prayer. I was not fervently praying for her to get accepted into her own apartment… I was desperately crying, inwardly screaming and anxiously freaking out!! How religious was that? Wow!

I would find myself at all hours of the day and night saying, ‘Lord, she has to get accepted into that apartment!’ Then I would add, ‘please?’ Please? Well, while I am at it why don’t I say, ‘pretty please?’ or ‘with chocolate syrup and honey nuts?’

Does God really care if we say please? Are there any recorded ‘pleases’ in the Bible? Did God, Jesus, Paul, Jeremiah, Job or any others ever say please for something? Can you imagine as the people go to the temple with their offering they hand the animal to the priest and say, ‘Can you please sacrifice this on behalf of my family?’

I am not trying to rude or obstinate. Do the kids in the African village say ‘please’ when they ask for their food or bedding? It is the voice of the privileged people in the dignified countries that teach their children from birth to say please and thank you.

If God is no respecter of people then he doesn’t NOT hear my prayers if I forgot to be polite and add please at the beginning or end of the prayer. God see’s my heart. That is all God see’s. That’s all he wants to see. Our hearts. Our words, the order they are spoken and the inflections used have no bearing on how he hears. He only hears the heart.

My daughter did get the apartment. (Longer story but that was a miracle!!) I ran around telling everyone, ‘There is a God!!!’ I wasn’t necessarily being facetious. I was starting to wonder.

After all, I no longer attend the religious function most Christians call ‘church’. I am also not bound to the bible as my rulebook. I no longer honor the traditional tithe or ‘guilt offerings’. I am learning to see and be viewed by my savior through the eyes and heart of pure grace. (NOT as a license to sin!) I am jumping out of the religious box that Christians have built as a memorial to their God. I am continually searching for ways to let my God out of any contraptions I have placed him in while I was dutifully following all the instructions of my past pastors and teacher of faith.

For some of you reading this you might think God forbid! He shouldn’t answer any of her prayers even if she does add ‘please’ one hundred times! She must have secret sin in her life! She is doing all the things my pastor said I would die a spiritual death if I tried! Doesn’t she know she is opposing God? Doesn’t she know what the bible says about that stuff??

Yes. I know exactly what it says. Do you my friend know what it really says about performing all these religious, ritualistic, obligatory functions? He just wants your heart. Not your performance. Get to know his heart alone. And let him know yours.

(See my other post on this picture at http://controversialatbest.blogspot.com/2007/05/grace.html)

He Loves Me!

We have all heard the story about Mary and Martha. We have heard the story about Lazarus being brought back from the dead by Jesus. Last night I read the stories with a bit of a different twist.

I have been in the institutionalized church for 27 years. I have heard every version of these stories preached by many a preacher, teacher, pastor, or anyone else that wanted to tell it their way.

The premise of the story is that there was a little town called Bethany where Mary and her sister Martha lived. A man named Lazarus, who was possibly their brother, dies.

John 11:5 says, ‘Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus’.

The words ‘love’ and ‘loved’ occur about 400 times in the Bible. Wow! God loves me! We hear it sung as children’s hymns and songs. We see everywhere in our church buildings where it’s read on banners, posters, cards, bulletins, etc., ‘John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life’.

I obviously ‘knew’ God loved me. Wow.

Last night while reading an eBook by Frank Viola, (can be downloaded at http://www.ptmin.org/bethany.pdf) I read a verse as if for the first time. I know it was far from the first time but it gently jumped out and pricked my heart.

John 11 tells the account of Jesus getting word that Lazarus was dead. Jesus says in verse 11, ‘Our friend Lazarus is asleep. I must go wake him’. (My translation.) In verse 32 Mary comes to meet Jesus and falls at his feet saying, if you were here he would not have died. Verse 33:
When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled.

It’s not about Jesus not getting upset with her for accusing him of allowing her brother Lazarus to die. If you notice, Mary is always at Jesus’ feet. The place of servant hood and humility. Jesus knows Mary’s heart. And when he see’s her fall at his feet, broken in pain for the death of her brother… he didn’t give her a cute cliché of a promise, or give her a positive thinking quote, he didn’t try to prove his power to her by conjuring up all sorts of throaty rebukes to the devil.

He gently asked where the body was.
John 11:35 He wept.

Wow. It says the Jews were amazed and said, ‘Behold how he loved him!’ They were amazed that he had such a love for this man. Jesus calls Lazarus his friend and then shows those around his greatest love by wanting to free him from his snares.

Jesus saw that Mary and Martha’s heart was broken and… he wept.

The scriptures have always said that he loved us and cared about all our problems but when I read that all of a sudden, it came alive! He cares about my marriage, my broken heart, my situations at home; he cares about things that are breaking my heart.

Wow.

John 11:41-43 And Jesus lifted up his eyes, and said, Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me. And I knew that thou hearest me always: but because of the people which stand by I said it, that they may believe that thou hast sent me. And when he thus had spoken, he cried with a loud voice, Lazarus, come forth.

I have to trust that God knows my Lazarus and will be able to raise it from the dead!

The Chasm

Each day as I lay my head down to nap or sleep for the night I sigh and wonder why I must live in my aloneness of having a husband that doesn’t love me. I am saddened by the distance between us and cry to God to help me understand why I must live daily in such solitude. I wonder why my husband as a man does not desire me as a woman. What went wrong? Why the great chasm between us? Will it ever end? Will it stop? Will it go away? Or am I left to wonder these things every time I try to lay down and rest my weary soul?

Entertaining Strangers!

This is a repost from something I received. If you have a heart towards Jesus, this should touch you.

Ruth went to her mailbox and there was only one letter. She picked it up and looked at it before opening, but then she looked at the envelope again. There was no stamp, no postmark, only her name and address.

She read the letter:

Dear Ruth: I`m going to be in your neighborhood Saturday afternoon and I'd like to stop by for a visit.
Love Always,
Jesus

Her hands were shaking as she placed the letter on the table.

"Why would the Lord want to visit me? I'm nobody special.I don't have anything to offer." With that thought, Ruth remembered her empty kitchen cabinets.

"Oh my goodness, I really don't have anything to offer. I'll have to run down to the store and buy something for dinner."

She reached for her purse and counted out its contents. Five dollars and forty cents. Well, I can get some bread and cold cuts, at least. She threw on her coat and hurried out the door.

A loaf of French bread, a half-pound of sliced turkey, and a carton of milk...leaving Ruth with grand total twelve cents to last her until Monday. Nonetheless, she felt good as she headed home, her meager offerings tucked under her arm.

"Hey lady, can you help us, lady?"

Ruth had been so absorbed in her dinner plans; she hadn't even noticed two figures huddled in the alley way. A man and a woman, both of them dressed inlittle more than rags.

"Look lady, I ain't got a job, ya know, and my wife and I have been living out here on the street, and, well, now it's getting cold and we're getting kinda hungry and, well, if you could help us lady, we'd really appreciate it."

Ruth looked at them both. They were dirty, they smelled bad and frankly, she was certain that they could get some kind of work if they really wanted to.

"Sir, I'd like to help you, but I'm a poor woman myself. All I have is a few cold cuts and some bread, and I'm having an important guest for dinner tonight and I was planning on serving that to Him."

"Yeah, well, okay lady, I understand. Thanks anyway."

The man put his arm around the woman's shoulders, turned and headed back into the alley. As she watched them leave, Ruth felt a familiar twinge in her heart.

"Sir, wait!" The couple stopped and turned as she ran down the alley after them.

"Look, why don't you take this food. I'll figure out something else to serve my guest."

She handed the man her grocery bag.

"Thank you lady. Thank you very much!"

"Yes, thank you!" It was the man's wife, and Ruth could see now that she was shivering.

"You know, I've got another coat at home. Here, why don't you take this one?"

Ruth unbuttoned her jacket and slipped it over the woman's shoulders. Then smiling, she turned and walked back to the street...without her coat and with nothing to serve her guest.

"Thank you lady! Thank you very much!"

Ruth was chilled by the time she reached her front door, and worried too.The Lord was coming to visit and she didn't have anything to offer Him. She fumbled through her purse for the door key. But as she did, she noticed another envelope in her mailbox.

"That's odd. The mailman doesn't usually come twice in one day".

Dear Ruth: It was so good to see you again. Thank you for the lovely meal. And thank you, too, for the beautiful coat.
Love Always,
Jesus

The air was still cold, but even without her coat, Ruth no longer noticed.

The Lift-off was Exhilerating!!!

We spent the evening getting the balloon in good working order and making sure our two riders were up to the challenge. Everything was going according to schedule.


Thursday May 17, 2007 lift-off commenced at12:28 p.m. It was a windy, blustery day. The Western skies were dark and ominous. To the East the sun was still shining. The balloon was being pulled directly to the West.

We planned for extra time before lift-off to take plenty of pictures for documentation. The winds slowed the process down quite a bit. We were still able to get some good shots.

The guitarist was there playing the ‘Ascension Day’ melody. He performed unusually well today!

Some of our pictures were able to capture the breathtaking area surrounding the lift-off pad. The river was at a full roar.

Inside the balloon was information of the longitude and latitude of take off and whom to contact in case of ‘an emergency’. The two female riders that volunteered for this first inaugural Ascension Day Balloon Ride were stupendous in their energy and delight! They smiled and waved the whole time even when a major wind gust almost tipped the basket over! They were brave!

We video taped the actual lift-off and watched as they ascended into the dark clouds. They swiftly moved westward at a great speed. Soon they were but a dot on our screen.

We are hoping that this adventure will spark a unity with believers and non-believers alike to begin celebrating with great tradition the Ascension of our Lord Jesus! People of all faiths are welcome to celebrate the adventure of being carried the through the skies.

We are hoping the exhilaration of commemorating our Lords ascension will allow God to move in the hearts of the heathen and Christian alike.

To be able to spend the day together to treasure an extraordinary time of praise, worship and prayer, while being transported in the clouds is heavenly! Visualize Jesus ascending into heaven to sit at the right hand of his father. Experience the floating effects that only a balloon can give you. Feel the wind beneath your wings.

We are hoping next year will be more fruitful and one of the highest spiritual events of 2008! Come and join us!

Feel free to email us your comments at AscensionToday@Yahoo.com!

We are still looking for our Ascension Day mascot. If you have any suggestions let us know!

We hope your Ascension Day was as special as ours was! See you next year!!!

Do You Know What Tomorrow Is????

Tomorrow is Ascension Day!! My husband and I are excitedly looking forward to the official/non-official inaugural Ascension Day lift-off! Wow!
We will spend the rest of the day and evening preparing the balloon and getting the details ready.

If it weren’t for his Franklin planner reminding him of the day tomorrow I might have missed it completely! What a sad state that would have been. But I was duly reminded and preparations are being made.

Maybe in about 10-20 years after this first official/non-official lift-off, the day will be celebrated with much more flair as they do Christmas and Easter. Do you think it could grow to be that big?

I suppose we should find a mascot. Like the bunny is for Easter. Well Christmas doesn’t have an animal to represent it. I guess Rudolph is as close to a mascot as any! Some suggestions have been a flamingo or penguin. Please feel free to send any mascot suggestions.

We will be documenting the lift-off tomorrow May 17, 2007! I will be back to tell you all about it and show the pictures.

Stay tuned!

Farewell to Falwell

It is a sad day. Today the great Jerry Falwell passed away. He was so great in many people’s eyes, hearts and minds. He did so much for the Christian causes. He was definitely a doer and not a hearer only. I am sure he will be greatly missed.

Personally, I am deeply saddened by the thought of his passing. I read the massive accolades that were attributed to his name and character. Everyone in America at some point has heard of the name Jerry Falwell. It would be like hearing the name Billy Graham. To many, they are synonymous with Christianity.

Again, I am deeply saddened. Not so much by his death but wondering what he is doing now. Right now. In my memory loss, I cannot exactly tell you the exact biblical details of what happens when a person dies. Does that person go directly into the presence of almighty God? Do they wait a specified time to be ushered into… heaven… or hell? I honestly do not know. I do know what has been taught to me for most of my life but I am not completely sure that I am ready to hang my hat on those theories until I am able to do an in-depth study for myself.

Will all of Jerry’s ‘doings’ get him in to heaven? Was he so busy doing Christian things that he couldn’t find some solitude and time to have a deeply committed relationship with Jesus? Did all of the accolades from the men of this world afford him humility before his maker? Did he get to take any of his riches, be it money or praise, to heaven with him? If in fact, we are under the premise that he did go to heaven.

We are completely taught by the pulpit that ‘good’ men go to heaven and that men that are considered godly will go to heaven. Forbid, with all that they did; with all the good they brought to this world, with all the mouths they fed, people they taught, buildings they built, services they attended or held, rallies, conventions, seminars, money they brought in, books they wrote and especially all those that they spoke about Jesus to ~ no one should even hint that they wouldn’t get into heaven!

Dear friend, don’t be fooled or misled by the trappings of this world. Even if they are clothed in what looks like the richest garments of righteousness, only One knows for sure where one would go or where Jerry went at his moment of death. Just as only God will know ultimately, where you will spend eternity.

Yes, there are scriptures where we as Christians are called to be doers. But Christ is looking for a Bride, not a whore. We are to be sold out to him. Not the causes that may have his name lightly stamped on them. He is looking for a devoted bride that will look to him for everything. A loyal, dedicated, constant and committed bride that will always look for his best in the situation not trying to attain a name for herself.

My prayer would be that the Lord would be gracious to me, a sinner, that if he were to bless me in any sort of ministry to his body and bride that it would always be under the banner of his name. If I were to do something for the Husband, that it would be for his glory alone and that the stamp of approval would be for him and not for my accolades. I pray they would see the Husband when they meet the Bride.

An Organic Emerging!

This is how I see it for today. There has been an odor in our shower the last few days. I scrub and we wipe the stall down after every shower, have clean towels, etc. I cannot figure out what the smell is. We just re-caulked last month so it isn’t any mildew. It is a ‘dirt’ smell. I think the word would be ‘organic’.

In my spiritual journey, I notice the new buzzwords are organic and emerging. This smell was both! I sniffed everything out. Today I opened the container that held a chamois that my husband uses to dry the shower stall. That was the smell. It wasn’t a ‘bad’ smell per se, it was just different and not one I was used to smelling in my bathroom.

This is similar to where God is taking us. He is trying to show us something organic and emerging… and different. Not bad. Just different. We are used to the clean fresh smells of an organized church and church setting. Everything in its place and everyone taking their rightful places on stage for their timed performance. We are even used to the smell of the old Law of religion and it smells ok to us. We are used to it. It is safe. There are boundaries. It seems easier to be told what to do, when to do it, how to do it and to whom. Then when God wants to open new doors to his real reality, our senses back away as if it is a bad thing.

We have been so assimilated with the thoughts and ideas that everything from the pulpit has been from God. That if the ministry is large or if they are able to ‘perform’ tricks and healings then the Holy Spirit surely must have his hand upon it. Nothing could be farther from the truth. It is sad that the stench of old Law, religion and sin draws our attentions but the pure odor of an organic emerging repulses us. God definitely has his work cut out for him.

Baby, I am Perfect!

When a couple has their first baby, that child is perfect. All the way from its pointed head to its scrawny toes.

Whether that child is three or eight they are perfect and completely accepted in the parents eyes. The neighbors might have a different opinion but to the parents they are the best.

This represents our Christianity. We are to come to God just as we are. He loves us just as we are with all our imperfections.

The problem I see is that too many folks are content to use that as a justification to ‘stay’ just as they are. ‘Well God loves me as I am, right?’ Yes, he does. But in his perfect infinite father-ness he wants you to continue to grow up and grow healthy and strong to face the world as an adult.

Is that not the ultimate chore of every parent? To equip the child from birth how to be independent? While our dependency should be on God and him alone the chore is for us to learn that dependency in its fullness.

This creates a huge problem because man in himself wants to rule and reign. He wants to dominate and not be dominated. That directly opposes Christianity because we can choose to let God have us or we can have us. He will let us decide our fate and let us live in our muck and mire that we create.

I know a young couple that has a 5-month-old girl. They watch her every move. They know what teeth are popping through and how she rocks to try to crawl and how she eats and what she likes or does not like. She is a constant growth. You can see the changes almost from day to day.

If our Christianity isn’t a constant growth then is it stagnant or simply dead? The growth should be visible.

There are plenty of scriptures that speak of the fruit and growth. The one I chose is John 15:8, Herein is my Father glorified, that you bear much fruit; so shall you be my disciples.

As Christians, we should be bearing much fruit- it glorifies the Father. If one were not bearing much fruit would it be necessary to say that their life is not glorifying the Father? And I would want to know why someone that chooses to go by the name of Christian wouldn’t want to be glorifying God? Is that not our eternal purpose? If we can’t do it on earth then can we fathom an eternity doing it?

Golly gee I have so many questions! It will be a sad day for sure for a whole lot of these folks that think they are ‘Christians’ and think they are ‘ok’ in God’s book because God is a God of love and loves them no matter what. A sad day for certain.

Pray with me for their eyes to be opened and their ears to hear. For their hearts to be softened to the truth. We all know people like this. They might be in your direct lives. It may be you. Pray for mercy and repent before a holy God that is as an old lover tossed to the side just waiting eagerly and patiently for you to come back.

A Twoedged Sword!

The bible truly is a double-edged sword or in the King James Version, a twoedged sword. I think of a man; a well known minister that in my eyes has overstepped the ‘boundaries’ and gone from biblical to extra biblical teaching. There have been reports of false healings and prophesy.

Each scripture that comes to mind as to why this man could very well be a wolf in sheep’s clothing is the SAME scriptures that his followers use to defend his actions.

That is a twoedged sword indeed! I guess we let the chips fall where they will and let God separate the sheep from the goats as only he can do.

ManChild's Response

In all fairness, I did want to report that the founder of ManChild promptly responded with this: Thanks for the rebuke Dawn. I don't want to fight you.

Although I want to give him credit for being 'mature' enough not to say anything it does not alleviate my fears of the deception that is being played out.

Then if any man shall say unto you, Lo, here is Christ, or there; believe it not. For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect. Behold, I have told you before. Wherefore if they shall say unto you, Behold, he is in the desert; go not forth: behold, he is in the secret chambers; believe it not. For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. ~Matthew 24:23-27

Letter to the ManChild Founder

Dear ManChild Founder,

Who are you and what bible are you reading? I am posting other content on the internet letting folks know that you are theologically still gulping the 'milk' and drowning in your own righteous robes of religious fanaticism. You are spending too much money on all the advertising I am seeing on the internet to promote your jumbled message. Anyone that has read the bible, believer or not, can see that you have done a severe chop-job on your cut-n-paste of the scriptures to make it say whatever you are wanting for your agenda. This is truly sad. You are not even a wolf in sheep's clothing because your garments are see-through! You are like the emperor that thought he had new clothes... but everyone could see the truth in his nakedness.

I was on your page for the first time Saturday April 21, 2007 and when I came back the next day to do more research I noticed that some of the content had changed already. I anticipate before July 7, 2007 it will change forms many times to keep your agenda fresh and throw off as many unsuspecting people as possible.

I too, have asked others to pray... for you. That your eyes, ears and heart would be opened to the reality of the authentic Jesus Christ and not the fantastical one that you have created in your mind via the 'plucking' of useful scriptures out of context.

Sincerely,
Dawn *****