Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time, a very long time ago, in the name of ‘Christianity’, my then husband deserted my three kids and myself in a van on the side of the road. Thankfully, it was Southern California and not Minnesota.

We were homeless for about 5-6 months. We couldn’t get financial help because we didn’t have an address and we couldn’t get an address without financial help. It was a mess.

We bathed in parks. Ate things most normal Americans would turn their noses at and lived inside our ‘cozy’ van.

The churches were mostly useless. One church thinking it was doing us a big religious favor gave us a bag of food. Inside was a super sized bag of spaghetti noodles along with the extra large size of Ragu sauce. There were other items like this that were of no value to a homeless person.

How did they intend for me to not just cook the spaghetti but to store it afterwards since everything they gave me was in bulk and I obviously did not have a refrigerator? It was truly sad.

At first, I spend a good portion of my days crying. I was crying more for my kids. I was crying out to God to see our needs. And he did. He just didn’t exactly view them like I did… with a finite mind.

In time I grew to enjoy the solitude that living on the streets provided. I didn’t have rent or bills or collectors. I wasn’t boggled down with the everyday minute things that we as humans tend to blow out of proportion. My most important decisions were to keep the kids safe, find a park or somewhere for the kids to have some fun, find food, and find somewhere safe to park at night.

Those seem like huge things to accomplish but folks do most of that everyday anyhow but just within the confines of their stationary dwelling. This is obviously done in a different manner and it is attached with all sorts of extra curricular necessities that become ‘needs’. To the homeless all these extra-fluff things become obsolete and unnecessary to maintain daily.

Even in the midst of all that we went through during that season, I have to admit I had the greatest amount of peace that I have ever possessed in my life. God was more than super-naturally good. He provided as he saw fit. It stretched me. I saw life from outside my comfortable house and got to be one of ‘them’. I learned the heartaches and the pressures that street folks deal with. I also learned that too many homeless folks do not want the help to come in from out of the cold because of all the strings attached to it.

In the midst of it all, I knew that I knew that God was right there and that he had a plan. I knew that he was in control and that even if I got mad at him, screamed, and cried, ultimately he knew my heart only wanted what his wanted and I would wait in his timing to deliver me. And he did… very graciously.

True Blessings!

I recently read a blog about blessing one’s enemy. I have had that idea come past me many, many times in my life. In my religious Charismaniac mind, I would want to ask God to bless them profusely, abundantly, financially and meet all their needs. (Wow! Aint I special to be able to pray that for my enemies?!)

Since trying to ditch my ‘religiosity’, I am now struck with a thought and pervading question of ‘why I would pray such things?’ Why would I pray financial prosperity on my enemy? I do not stop and question this to be vindictive but out of Christ’s love within me.

I ponder if financial prosperity would lead them to Christ. (But woe unto you that are rich! for ye have received your consolation Luke 6:24). Would it bring them to the cross? Would it benefit them for eternity? Not so much. The financial security would be a curse and not a blessing if it lead them away from the cross.

So what would be the absolute best I could give my enemies? That God’s will be done in their life; that situations would happen, good or bad, to bring them to their knees at the cross.

The cross is the absolute best I could give my enemies. Therefore, I would pray that if God needs to break them to ‘bless’ them, so be it.

If by some strange miracle they could come to the cross by way of riches… then I pray God would bless them financially and prosper them mightily.

Greener Pastures?

My husband and I are in a place where one of our daughters husband left her and the kids with nothing. Another daughter just lost her job. We are in a place where we as parents have to help them get to the next place in their journey through life but be able to do it without enabling them.

We spent the week helping the unemployed daughter get her resume all polished and posted on the internet. She went on one interview already and has two set up for Tuesday. She has taken an online test to assess her computer skills. We have looked at all her bills to see what needs to be paid versus what to hold off on until the money is coming in again.

We are leading her with our knowledge yet letting her take the responsibility to forge ahead. She is doing great. It is a daunting task when one is suddenly unemployed.

I think of a man I contacted a while ago that said God never answered any of his prayers. I think of God being so very patient with us when we are in rough spots in our lives. He cannot just do it all for us. He can lead us in better directions but we need to take the initiative to forge ahead and handle the task at hand.

Yes, we may get tired and there usually is relief for a time but then we have to continue on. And God is there every step of the way. Like a shepherd to his sheep. Gently prodding and moving them to greener pastures. There are days when there is no green grass in sight but the shepherd in his wisdom keeps prodding knowing that if they keep moving forward they will eventually come upon the flourishing spots.

I pray that I will have the strength to keep moving forward. To know when to rest for a time and let God be God. To know the difference between God’s wisdom and mine. To know that he may not answer every prayer in my time or in my way but that he would show me the insufficiencies of my prayer, the selfish requests and give me the ability to pray his will be done at all cost.

FREAK!

I was cleaning the baseboards this morning. Why? Some say because I am a clean freak. No. I was on the floor playing ball with the dog and noticed how dirty they were and... I am just not a dirty freak. It took all of 3 minutes to clean the baseboards where I was and down the hallway to the bathroom. No biggie. I can move on and do whatever else was planned for the day.

I always try to see how things figure into the Christian version. Can I now say I am a Jesus freak because I am NOT a Satan freak? No. I am a Jesus freak because of who Jesus is in my life, because of what he has done for me personally; for all he has secured for me and delivered me from. I wouldn’t necessarily call it a ‘freak’ either. I love my husband but I am not a freak for him.

I am very appreciative of all that Jesus has offered me. I am grateful for the fact that he does what he says he will do. Do I misinterpret what those things might be? Absolutely.

In further thinking about the word freak, I realized that I am a freak about something. Truth. I cherish ‘truth’ above all else.

Jesus said unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. ~John 14:6

A Mumbled Heart?

Every time I see the blog title ‘Humbled Heart’ I read ‘mumbled heart’. Maybe God is trying to speak to me. Maybe my heart is more mumbled than humbled. What a thought!

What is mumbled? The synonyms would be inarticulate, garbled, incoherent, unintelligible and incomprehensible. Wow. The definition says to speak or utter something quietly and unclearly without opening the mouth very much or an indistinct and quiet utterance.

I wonder if my heart is unclear and unintelligible. Does God hear my heart even when it doesn’t ‘speak’ clearly? Do I have to make him work extra hard to define what I am really meaning? Have I taught myself to think my heart is more humbled than mumbled? Have I convinced myself how to be humble?

Wow. A mumbled heart, eh? That is something to ponder.

Humbled Heart

For anyone that has read my posts they know that I am trying to figure out what makes a good blog without selling out. I don’t want to write just for writing sake. But I am like y’all and I wonder what makes you guys read some but not others. What draws one to read or read all the way through? Is it a good title, a short post, a reflective moment or ‘chance’?

I am running four separate blogs. Three are identical in their posts. The reason for that is to help me relearn my computer and the internet. Each site requires different things in order to post ‘their way’. So it makes me learn each of them through repetition.

Each has a visitor counter. Two come with the blog so I am limited in how much knowledge I can have beyond sheer numbers. The third is my own counter that can give me stats. I use them to see what makes the numbers move. I do not mean in a scientific sense. I am NOT just writing to generate numbers. But like I said at the beginning of the post, I am curious about what makes one post get read versus another not so much. What makes folks comment versus others that go completely silent?

I see other bloggers that get comments as soon as they post. I see some that have never received a comment.

Am I living for the comments? (Like in a previous post… I do get extra invisible points for comments!!) I posted tonight and started to get comments. I wondered why. My first reaction was… cool! But as I read one that was short and simple I was hit with the realization that it is extremely humbling that anyone at all is even reading my stuff. I am just another blogger in blog-world. I write ok. From my heart. I tend to be a ‘little’ harsh and will cut with a knife if I think you want to play religious games and think no one see’s. I am down to earth and don’t like to play games of any sort although I am trying a lighter shade of glasses these days without veering from compromising the truth.

I sit here humbled. I believe… no wait, this is NOT a religious statement… but I believe it has to be God. Ok so that doesn’t sound super-spiritual I will explain. The counter stats said Tuesdays were the biggest hits between 9:30 pm and 11:30. I pondered that and wanted to be able to post something somewhat profound for Tuesday to see what would happen- to see if the stats were on track. Funny thing… on the site where the stats told me this I received all of 2 unique visitors for the 24 hour period. But on this site where I almost thought I was the only one alive is where I got the most hits and comments. So I think it would be fair to chalk it up to Divine interception. Either way I still sit here quite humbled and am prayerfully concerned that what I am writing will glorify God and never stray from the truth.

Quick Fixes to Break Your Heart

I was sprucing up the house this morning for company. I already have company but more was coming. Most around me tend to call me a clean freak. I used to be Quality Control for the largest janitorial service in Colorado. Still I wouldn’t consider myself a freak about it. I am certainly anal about some things. Does cleaning come before friends, family or the Lord? NO! I just try to schedule my time and because I am so fast, I can be done in less than half the time most could do it. That actually frees up my time. And I am actually a lot slower in my aging years!

I wanted things to smell nice so I was spraying down the bedspread and pillows and carpets. I had a wild thought. What if we never had to wash things and we could just perpetually spray them with good smells. My second thought was… yuck! Then I realized that there are folks out there that do that.

There used to be a product that you could spray in your hair instead of washing it! I think it was around in the 70’s. It was like a powder that was supposed to absorb the oils and give you the ‘just clean’ look. I don’t think the product was a big enough of a hit to have gone long.

We folks do that with our lives, religious and social. We tend always to be looking for the easy way out - the quickest way to accomplish something. A 20 ounce double shot caramel macchiato with whole milk is easier to buy the wife than to reach in the deep reserves of the heart and give her a piece of your sincerest affections. Sometimes letting the husband buy the new toy is easier than the wife having to relinquish herself in the bedroom. Praying the rosary twenty times is easier than letting Jesus have full control over every portion of your life for his glory.

Some call it ‘instant gratification’. Little kids know it as ‘Now!’ McDonald’s made a profit from it. People just don’t want to get profound, go long, persevere, be reflective, or live passionately without sin.

While our salvation was procured for us, there is still lots we need to ‘do’ in order to keep out hearts in the proper mode to continually hear the Shepherds voice.

My first prayer is that I would desire to go long, persevere, get profound, be passionately reflective, remember the price that was paid for me, and be still enough to always hear the voice of my Shepherd. My second prayer is that would be your prayer also.

The Stop Sign is a Hoax!

I am reading all the political junk in the news about General Pace. Some are die-hard fans that think he should be congratulated and it was very commendable while others think he is a pig.

One of Hillary Clintons (gay) fundraisers says that he is hoping that she will expressly reject the word ‘immorality’ where it applies to gay people.

So what is up with folks wanting special rules? If it should be ok for two men to have sex, and for the sake of this post, in the military, then it should be ok for them to have multiple bed partners also. When will it be ok for General to bed down with the Corporal and his wife at the same time? Would it be fair to say that bestiality will become the norm in the near future also at the cost of the taxpayers? And of course a stop sign doesn’t really mean stop it means only if you are so inclined.

Rules are rules only when they make us happy. When we don’t like them we are like a toddler stamping our foot in rebellion. NO! Unfortunately, this isn’t only about Gods rules. Folks in general do not like rules and the ignorant seem to think that life can go on without them.

Rules are good and for a reason. We instill rules to our children and puppies… for a reason. Momma taught us not to try and stick the fork up our nose. Why? Because it could really hurt! And you would look real silly as an adult trying to do adult dinners and trying to teach your fellow eaters how much fun it is to try and jam a fork up your nose.

Americans want to claim their superiority with their level of education, military positioning or the so-called American wealth but they really are a very ignorant breed of people. The gays have always been around in one way or another. God talks about them in the old and New Testament. (Unless you have manipulated the bible to your liking, my bible does not show God favoring them in any way. Sorry to pop your bubble.) We may not be able to stop the secret sin in our military camps, government and lifestyles but do we have to openly endorse and promote it?

If we reject the word immorality for ‘gays’ then we might as well reject it for child molesters, rapists, murderers, and anything else that we feel might exclude a group and hurt their feelings. If Hillary rejects the word immorality then maybe what her husband did a few years ago wasn’t really all that bad, or at least not immoral, and she was just making a fuss to get political attention for her future.

Immorality is just that. Immoral. A stop sign is to tell us to STOP! Sin is SIN! Everyone wants to play God, be their own god and set up their own rules to make their life justifiable. And why do we use the soft side of the wording… immoral. In a nutshell it is wicked, depraved, corrupt, evil and degenerate. Call sin what sin is. SIN!

And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For every one that does evil hates the light, neither comes to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. But he that does truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God. ~ John 3:19-21

Stuart

“Stuart Rosenberg, a prolific director of series television and theatrical films who partnered with Paul Newman on the widely popular prison drama "Cool Hand Luke" and several other movies, has died at 79.”

Of course my first ‘righteous’ thought was if as a Jew he knew anything about the real Jew that came to die for him that he might have life again?

The man won awards for numerous things. He was nominated for a Directors' Guild Award, four Academy Awards and collected more than 300 TV directing credits. I am sure he had much money and accolades.

He died of a heart attack. Fairly sudden I would suspect. My step-father had a heart attack and was dead in hours. That doesn’t leave much time to come to grips with your immortality. It doesn’t leave much time to wonder where you are about to go for eternity. It doesn’t leave much room to ponder your religion and see if it was good enough.

My prayer is that someone shared the life-giving gospel to him and showed him something better than the Old Laws of the death. I pray that someone will go to his family and share that Christ is alive and well living in his Bride here on this earth. I pray that they will see that love of Christ through one of us before it is too late for them.

I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live. ~ Deut 30:19

FEAR

“Remember FEAR is actually...FALSE~ EVIDENCE~ APPEARING~ REAL.” This is what I just read in a Christian newsletter. Some folks are acronym happy! It seems if one could make an acronym out of whatever the situation is then it puts the problem in a cute, little, neat box where things cannot possibly unravel or get out of control. Truly, acronyms are a form of needing to be in control of even the tiniest of problems.

Some of the popular Christian acronyms are BIG: Bold in God!, CEO: Christians Encouraging Others, EGO: Edging God Out, JAGUAR: Jesus Always Guides Us and Redeems, HOPE: He Offers Peace Everyday, JOY: Jesus Overshadows You, PRAY: Praise. Repent. Ask. Yield., WASTE: Worry. Anger. Self-Pity. Tattling. Envy., LICE: Life in Christ Eternal, and the ever-popular WWJD (which is another post in itself). The list could go on and on.

This post really is not about acronyms. I just couldn’t resist typing all that silliness. Moving on to my point.

Is fear really ‘false evidence appearing real’? The dictionary had multiple definitions but the two that stuck out were ‘a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger’ and an ‘extreme reverence or awe, as toward a supreme power’. From this I read that ‘fear’ is a real thing not the imagination that can be directed towards situations in life or of God.

I have a fear of standing on the freeway. My fear is real. I probably could get hurt very badly. That very real fear is what keeps me from playing on the freeways!! If I hear of the pit-bull living two doors away has attacked a little child then I would probably have a real fear of seeing that dog. If my child’s daycare told me about another child that contracted meningitis, I would have a healthy and honest fear about taking my child back to daycare or a general fear wondering if my child also caught something and would be in great danger.

Fear is a healthy emotion I believe that God instilled in us as prevention. In the bible, we are told to fear God. The word is used 400 times in the Bible to be exact. Peter was speaking of being obedient to civil authority when he said, ‘Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king.’(1Peter 2:17) The Greek definition for fear includes to fear, be afraid, to be struck with fear, to be seized with alarm, of those struck with amazement, be afraid of one, to fear (i.e. hesitate) to do something (for fear of harm), to reverence, venerate, to treat with deference or reverential obedience, etc.

To have a reverential fear towards God is biblical. Where we tend to have a leaning with this sort of teaching about fear being ‘false evidence appearing real’ is when one wants to make God their friend. If fear towards God were false evidence only appearing to be real then it would also negate the realness and seriousness of God almighty being final judge. It sugar coats the gospel and waters down the concept of repentance for salvation. It teaches us that we can allow God to become our savior instead of our Savior allowing us into his might presence through his shed blood on the cross. Ultimately, statements like this about fear are the need to put the power in our hands and rip it away from Gods.

Saying with a loud voice, Fear God, and give glory to him; for the hour of his judgment is come: and worship him that made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and the fountains of waters. ~ Revelations 14:7

Who Knows?

I had a group of folks over that lead the music ministry for a church. I noticed that although I was playing Christian music they neither hummed, whistled, snapped fingers, tapped feet or even acknowledged their was any music playing. I know a dog trainer that has two dogs that do not mind well and one is obese. I know mechanics that have broken down cars.

Does this attitude spill over into our personal Christianity also? Just because I am called by the name Christian, is it ok for me to act like the rest of the worldly, secular folks? Will anyone know? Will anyone care?

I don’t think most other humans really care. They already have enough ‘dirt’ on the so-called Christians so you acting in ways that do not glorify God or exemplify Christ are what they have been used to.

To me to the biggest ingredient is that God will know. God does know. God cares. God sees. God knows an ‘act’ from a true giving, caring and loving heart that reaches beyond themselves to others that they would not normally reach out to because it may overstep their comfort zone. God knows.

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. ~John 10:27

Binding Satan… Again?

Why are we so intent on ‘binding’ Satan? It is not uncommon in the Charismatic and Pentecostal circles to hear quite frequently someone blurting out how they are ‘binding Satan in Jesus’ name.’ “A person will pray that Satan will be bound from blinding a person to whom they are presenting the gospel, in the belief that this will improve the likelihood of that person trusting Christ as his savior. On other occasions, people attempt to bind Satan and his demons from certain geographical locations, such as a new house the person will be moving into, a new church building, or a particular location in a city or neighborhood. Doing this, it is believed, could affect the power and moving of God in the lives of believers as well as unbelievers.”

There is coming a day when the strong man will be bound, along with his demonic host. Revelation 20:1-3 says that Satan will be bound for 1,000 years shortly after Christ's Second Coming. Following the Millennium, Satan will be deposited into the lake of fire for all eternity. The antidote for the believer is not to bind him (if Satan and the demons are being bound, who keeps letting them loose anyway?), but as 1 Peter 5:8 instructs, to "resist him, firm in your faith." Jesus himself will bind the strong man, Satan, on behalf of his Bride at a future time. He does not use believers to act in his behalf in this area. God will not be using believers to round up Satan and put him out of commission by binding. Instead, the means God will use is stated clearly in Revelation 20:1, where it says that "an angel coming down from heaven, having the key of the abyss and a great chain in his hand," will do the honors. Therefore, the idea that believers have removed Satan and his demon armies from spheres of influence because they have prayed for Satan's binding is not found in the Bible and is, thereby, unbiblical.

(Parts taken from J. Beard, www.rapidnet.com)

Private Genie

How many times have I heard myself or other people of a certain persuasion ‘speaking’ boldly to God? There has become such a conditioning to speak without a holy reverence to the God most high using the scriptures to justify their cockiness. They use the scripture, ‘come boldly to the throne of grace’ to give explanation for being able to ‘speak’ at God instead of entreating him in all his mercies. He has become a private genie of sorts to many.

It has become a popular attitude to claim situations, speak things into being or command angels and demons. This stance doesn’t seem to be the servants attitude Jesus and Paul spoke of but rather a grasp for power in our lives to let somebody think God is gracious and a friend and has given us the right and privilege to command him at will.

Instead of hearing someone say, ‘Oh Lord I am fearful of this situation, please send me an angel for protection?’ we tend to hear things like, ‘Cover me, Lord’, ‘Thank you Lord for your angels’, ‘Protect me Lord’, ‘Guide me, Lord’, or ‘Go before me, Lord’. We are not humbly entreating his kindness and mercy ~ we are commanding him.

In Hebrews 4:16 we are told to come to the throne of grace boldly that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. Coming to the throne in the Hebrew is meant to draw near by a ‘reverent approach for worship’. When you come to the throne it is to tell him the whole story of our shortcomings not to sway him.

Sadly this is just one of the scriptures that are taken sorely out of context. It is not about us being able to have boldness before God to thus command him at will but rather it is spoken in context of us not having a fear in our very time when we need him most for our salvation or continued deliverance.

But he gives more grace. Wherefore he says, God resists the proud, but gives grace unto the humble. -- James 4:6

It is remarkable that we will boldly speak to God and of all that he has promised to us but the scriptures also mention speaking boldly to make known the mystery of the Gospel. When folks hear us commanding this God like our private genie it will propagate the very things that happened in Acts 8 where Simon was amazed at the apostles laying hands on folks and them receiving the Holy Ghost. He wanted that kind of power so badly that he offered to purchase it from them. Folks will see us commanding God and also want that ‘power’ versus a loving, intimate relationship with a Savior.

It is a privilege to be able to come to the throne of grace in our greatest times of need…not God’s responsibility to bow before us.

One and the Same?

I just read a newsworthy article about a couple that was caught defrauding over 10,000 people of more than 20 million dollars through a T.V. program they had that sold fine art pieces. They stole art, forged art, faked art, inflated bids, created false appraisals and certificates of authenticity, etc.

I wonder how long the program ran and how long they were able to keep up the façade. I marvel at how folks are able not to just live a life of lies but to do it publicly and on T.V. I speculate about whether they did it with a straight face or if they were secretly laughing on the inside.

My first ‘religious and righteous response’ is to be questioning these things and more. But then I am quickly put into check by the Spirit of God in me that reminds me it is not just the folks of the world that do this. Unfortunately, too many Christians are living this life of lies also.

There are Christians on T.V. that are defrauding people with false claims, cheap promises and lots of tales supposedly in the name of Christ. There are fake claims, healings, miracles, churches, pastors and documentation. The one thing that seems real in both of these instances is the money that was bilked from the unsuspecting people.

I would like to say that is why there are so many folks that do not like ‘Christians’ or things pertaining to Christianity except that these type of folks don’t really need an excuse to be against God. I heard a saying that went like this: I like God; I just don’t like his fans. How true. I don’t particularly like a lot of them either. We are a bunch of religious freaks that take things out of context trying to please ourselves… all in the name of Christ. It is sad but true. No, not everyone. You that are truly righteous can sit back down. I am talking about the rest of us sinners that may be washed in the blood but still have real every day struggles with sin and life.

Why is it that many times folks cannot differentiate between Christians and the regular folk? Why are we blending with the ways of this world so easily? What I really want to know is: why it does not seem to matter, to enough ‘Christians’ that they are too much like the world?

The Eggless Bunny

There once was a bunny and egg,
The two were a pair to peg,
One day they did walk,
And the bunny did talk,
This is what he said:

‘Mr. Egg I’m going on a journey you see,
Would you like to come with me?’
‘Journey where? I have no feet.
Where will we go and who will we meet?’

‘I can hang you around my neck,
So you can join me on my trek,
To see the man upon the tree,
He hung to die for you and me!’

‘A man on a tree that died for an egg?
Oh, Bunny explain, I must beg!’
Bunny stammered and then he blinked,
He grinned real wide, then he winked,
And this is what he said:

‘This man died for the WHOLE world,
And that means you and me!
He did it for bunnies and eggs,
And… he called it… Easter?!’

Mr. Egg just laughed and said,
‘He didn’t die for you or me.
Men added us to lighten the sting,
The man won the victory!

Bunny I fear the story you've told,
Can never possibly truly unfold.
Easter is Jesus, the cross and his rise,
We are but a compromise.

Tales are a bad thing… no not on your butt,
One has to know exactly what’s what.
The truth be told, we must tell the truth,
To play with religion is so very uncouth.

Bunnies don’t talk and eggs only roll,
But Jesus died and then he rose,
He is coming again to gather his own,
And for his bride he will compose.’

Easter Art

I have some Easter art that I created last year if anyone wanted to use it or whatever. It is on http://controversialatbest.blogspot.com.

What's in a Name?

Proverbs 22:1 says, A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold.

I know a woman that had a baby girl and named her Ava. Pretty name. But I wonder if when she was choosing names did she ponder them based on them being cutesy for a baby, a good name for a child or if it would become a solid name for an adult? Some names are great baby names but do not fit well for adults and vice-versa. How does one choose a name for a bundle of joy that will grow up to be a 250 lb. lumberjack?

I lived in Tennessee for a few years and it seemed like ‘everyone’ was named Bubba. There was uncle Bubba, cousin Bubba, and brother Bubba. Bubba was your neighbor, the dogcatcher, the repairman and your pastor. Then I discovered my daughter started to use Bubba for a nickname for my grandson! And they have never lived in Tennessee! I begged her not to do that! ‘Oh but it is sooo cuuute Mom!’ NO it’s NOT!

A name is something we have to live with for life but it should not define who we are. Being called by the name of Christian should define who we are. A lot of folks think of religion, hypocrisy and a whole slew of other bad things when they hear you go by the name of Christian. It brings to mind others they met by that name and you are automatically thrown into the group before your mouth even opens or your actions can say different.

Do folks choose the name of Christian because it seems cute, good or solid? Do they go by the name Christian because they want to go to heaven, enjoy the socializing, need the structure, feel obligated, or perhaps their family has been Christians for generations?

Personally, I try not to use the name Christian when describing what I believe. The word has seemed to have lost its meaning and become an extremely watered down version of who Christ really was. I can be a Christ-follower but then I sort of feel like I should belong to a hippy commune. What name could I use that would set me apart from the typical Christian so that folks would know that I am trying to be more than just a religious cliché?

And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. ~ Colossians 3:17

A Long Line of Heathen!

Wow! I was pondering for another writing when I realized... or is that possibly I had forgotten and just remembered… that I am the only ‘Christian’ in my long line of family. We have a few religious folks, some Catholics and one Universalist or Unitarian or something. None of my family that has passed away had funerals denoting a specific denomination or religion. They all got the typical heathen funeral with the typical heathen burial.

Wow! I come from a long line of heathen!! Wow! I honestly do not think I have ever thought of that before even with the memory loss...(but then who really knows but God, right?)

I don’t think my mother or father had stepped into a church beyond their wedding day, my Catholic baptism and some of their children’s basic weddings in a building.

I know in my frenzy of being a new believer I tried to share Christ with everyone I knew. It didn’t help much. My sister came to know the Lord about 10 years later but I obviously presented her with enough of a watered down version and enough Charismaniac slop that the weeds came in and choked out the seeds. From what I gave her, being all I knew at the time, her house never had a chance to be built on the solid rock and when the storms of life came she floated off down the river! (A metaphor ~ NOT scripture.) I have since repented, asked for Gods forgiveness and theirs even though they do not understand exactly what I am asking forgiveness for. (Yes, I know even as I was not given a strong ‘seed’ to build my house upon, I was ‘blessed’ to be able to hang through it all and come out on top. My sister could have done that also. I am not completely blaming myself for her loss.)

I raised my kids alone and all I had to fall on was the Lord. Two of my kids were deathly ill for years and we were at the emergency room more nights a week than not. I tried to raise them in the admonition of the Lord but I realize now that I raised them in a Charismaniac religion. They saw all sorts of absurdities that were all done in the name of Christ. Though my daughters still believe in God, they do not follow him with their heart. My son will have nothing to do with any of it going the secular humanist route. I believed at the time that they were saved and spirit-filled kids but now realize that salvation can only come to those that truly understand the gospel with a heart that sees God as both judge and lover of their soul. I believe they possibly wanted to ‘know’ God because they didn’t want to know his wrath not because they wanted to seek his heart.

I have made so many ‘religious’ mistakes in the name of Christianity and I have not shown any of my heathen family the true Christ. Maybe because I am now just meeting him in the reality and true fullness of the gospel. Not a religion tainted with blessings, prosperity and ewey-gooey love but one that is solid and firm on the reality of who Christ is aside from all the religions of the world ~ including Christianity.

STRAIGHT, simple and to the point.

Happy Nappy Time

As I lay down on top of the bed to nap, I pulled the loose blanket on top of me and snuggled in. My mind was turning over events of my day so far. I pondered things, prayed a little and noticed my heart beat slowing down, my body relaxing and my thoughts subsiding. I was then brought back to reality by a slight chill. My first reaction was, ‘Oh Lord help warm me up so I can fall asleep.’ I lay there for another minute or two and the chilliness was still right there. I pondered why God wouldn’t want to answer such a small request like this one. I was then reminded in my spirit that there was another blanket within arms distance if I were to just roll over and grab it.

I suppose in our laziness we ask God to do things we are more than capable of doing ourselves. Maybe we do this to test him as if in a soft cuddly ultimatum to see if he performs to our liking it means that he really does love us. I know that in some denominations they teach you that God wants to be your jump-to-man, your puppet to perform feats of magic just for you. Why? Because you are a child of the living God and deserve nothing but the best as Kings Kids. Whichever reason, it is wrong, presumptuous and child-like ~ not Christ-like.

I grabbed the other blanket and prayed again. ‘Oh Father forgive me for trying to make you my private genie.’ My heart was broken and I grieved myself to sleep.

Ascension Day Rides?

There seem to be holidays for every occasion. The secular folk and Christians alike celebrate anything that might symbolize something. There is Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, New Year's Day, Inauguration Day, Washington's Birthday, and Memorial Day. Halloween, Valentines Day, Saint Patrick and April Fools Day, Father’s day, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday, and Good Friday. Those are just a few of the holidays, which have been ‘created’ for one purpose or another.

For me personally, I am in a relearning mode in my life and Christianity and at this time I have chosen to not celebrate any of them. Until I can discover exactly why I am celebrating them other than for celebrations sake then I will abstain. I have many well-meaning Christian friends and family that think I have lost it. Forbid, maybe I am living in secret sin!

Of course, in my ponderings about why I should or should not celebrate some of the ‘special’ so-called Christian holidays I ended up having to write an article. It was not written so much for others to read as it was for me to see in black and white my thoughts and decisions up to that point. In my studying, I came across another’s writing online that made an interesting suggestion.

Regardless of whether I agree with his whole writings on why Christians should not celebrate Christmas is neither here nor there. It is noteworthy and it did spawn a piece of art!

J. Beard writes: “Realize that Christians Celebrating Christmas as the Day of Christ's Birth Makes No More Sense than Adding Any of the Following Days as Special Days of Christian Celebration:
1. Baptism Celebration -- Why not have three days of swimming parties in the summer in order to celebrate/symbolize Christ's three days in the grave? We could even pick a time based upon our speculation of when John the Baptist baptized Jesus!

2. Ascension Celebration -- Why not have one day set aside every year for hot-air balloon rides in order to celebrate Christ's ascension to heaven?

3. Miracle Celebration -- There is considerable Biblical focus on Jesus' miracles (even more than on his birth), so why not have one day set aside every year to celebrate the first of Christ's miracles? And since that was the turning of water into wine (John 2), why not have "Christian" wine-tasting parties?”

I am sure there are a few of you over-religious or righteous folks that are gasping for air... forbid… to suggest such things. Sacrilege! (The French are known for their romantic language but growing up with a French family, when they said that word… it was not romantic and you needed to duck fast for fear that ‘Gawd’ was going to send lightning at that very moment to someone in the room!) It isn’t blasphemy or disrespect in any way. Come off your high horse and ponder this for a minute. (I won’t tell anyone that you are pondering such awful things, I promise.)

Why don’t we celebrate Ascension Day? Or the baptism or miracles? Or any other of the many various things Jesus did? The ascension was just as important to our salvation as was the death on the cross and the resurrection. Maybe, just maybe Gawd didn’t institute these holidays and man decided it would be a good, righteous and religious thing to do?

~ If you would like to see a bigger version of the piece of art that I have posted here called ‘Ascension Day ’ feel free to pm me and I will email it to you.

I Believe... I Don't Believe

I believe the bible should be a guideline to be used in all practicality where and when it applies to us in a historical and contextual way. I do not believe God truly intended it to be broken down into chapters, paragraphs and verses to be picked apart like pulled pork. I do not believe it was ever intended to be used in a cut/copy/paste mode (to be referred to as CCP in the future) to provide for our self-serving purposes. I do not believe specific verses were ever meant to become ministries.

One could prove any point they wanted to by using the biblical cut and paste method. An example of this would be if you took Matthew 27:5 and couple it with Luke 10:37. “And he [Judas]…went…and hanged himself. Then said Jesus… ‘Go and do the same’ “. This is a wild example but unfortunately, there are other ones that are being CCP and turned into whole ministries that are fooling a whole lot of folks and generating even more money from it!

I wonder when the foolishness will end but if you read the bible you will notice it contains a very large smattering of records of really dumb things folks did… in the name of Christ. Many of the letters written by Paul were to these new churches that would hear rumors and instead of believing what they first believed upon they would meld back into their old ways and practices. Paul had to keep saying, guys, guys! Why are you going back to your weak and miserly principles? Why do you keep thinking your old gods, that could not even speak, will perform for you?

I believe that when we don’t get our magical answers that we think are due to us from the cosmic gumball machine in the sky (God) then we begin to reach out to whomever or whatever will give us our pleasures. We are spiritual whores always looking for a better deal. How this must break Gods heart, after all he has procured for us with such a love when knowing we had not much to offer in return.

I believe in Jesus, as God’s only Son that died for MY sins (and yours) and that he loves me with an everlasting love that I could never in my earthly body truly comprehend.

I do not believe the religiously religious religion some call what they do in the name of Christ and Christianity.

Pink Elephants with Blue Ticks!!

In my blogging newness, I am discovering that I fear one must write to appease the crowds. If you can come up with a catchy title to draw them in even if it has nothing to do with the blog then you get five invisible bonus points! Once people get on your page and begin to read your blog it is an automatic additional 4 points and when and if they get to the end you score six more! But wait! IF they leave a comment longer than the basic “Hey man good blog!” you receive 12 more points and your ratings skyrocket! Incredible isn’t it! (Eh? Oh.. you didn’t know you got invisible points? You must have forgotten to read the fine, fine print when you signed up! LOL!)

I wonder if I want to write for the approval of invisible ratings. I wonder if it matters if anyone really reads any of this. I wonder if this will become another social activity like many church activities that may distract me from my true journey. Will I waste time during the day and night trying to come up with things to blog about just for the hey of it? Will I become consumed with writing ‘anything’ for the sake of writing to get my invisible approval button? Will I ever be clever and artistic enough to come up with titles that are catchy enough? Wow! This could become a real hoop-jumper!

It almost reminds me of going to church with trying to jump through all the hoops of the week trying to make all the services, special services, events, classes, studies, prayer times, social clubs, potlucks, etc. On Sunday morning if you didn’t think that the sermon was completely biblical, forbid that you might share that with someone else because then you would be instantly backsliding or living in secret sin.

I remember one church that I attended about 20+ years ago. It took a while but I eventually began to see the cliques. If you sang just right or looked good when you sang then you could be part of one group. If you raised you hand with the proper inflection then you were given invisible points and were allowed in another crowd. In this particular church, there were very limited amounts of these elite. That was because you had to have many bonus points to even be considered. Other than that, you were just another spectator that went to the church for whatever your reasons might have been. I left. I didn’t want any of their bonus points. Forbid that I might have been included with them. Ug!

I do not much do cliques, special groups, hoop jumping, or ‘brown-nosing’ of pastors. I suppose I don’t really care about visible or invisible bonus points for catchy and creative titles and blogging. I do care about whether what I speak is truth or biblical. I care about the fact that too many folks are wearing the ‘invisible’ button called Christianity. I care that folks are being drawn away from Christ by all the silly things folks are doing in his name. It breaks my heart.

I constantly wonder… can God’s heart break?

But I guess that’s probably another blog.

Are You Curious or Do You Know?

For anyone that has read any of my blogs you will notice that I am a curious person. People’s actions fascinate me. I am curious about why some folks do some things while others do not. I understand a lot of it is upbringing.

In a conversation, the other day a friend was telling me about some website that is getting over 1000 hits a day. He said they have a poll on the page and it is estimated that a very low percentage of folks will actually take the poll. I wondered why. He wondered why. The site wondered why.

I know when I am on sites that have surveys to get free products I avoid them like the plague but usually because there is a catch. Most of the time in the process of the survey they ‘tell’ you that you must accept one ‘offer’. Well I don’t want a timeshare, or a life insurance quote, or a host of other somewhat useless time wasting products and services. I was willing to take their very long survey in hopes of getting my prize. It rarely happens. Actually, I haven’t gotten anything free yet because I usually get so frustrated before I get to the end of the survey.

That is a lengthy survey not a short poll. The cool part about a poll is that you can usually view the statistics to see what others think at the time. It is somewhat interactive. Interestingly enough many people won’t take the few seconds it might take to click on their answer.

I like polls. They are usually quick, easy and painless. I have some on my blog pages. Some have 10 possible answers and others only have 2 or 3 but yet folks will not answer them. Is it because I am not offering them a prize? Or is it because they might have to actually think about which answer to choose? Do folks not know what they believe or why they believe it? Do polls hurt? Are they invasive? Do people not know that they are quite anonymous? I wonder if I did a poll about why folks don’t answer polls if I would get anyone to answer? Such a dilemma and my thoughts run amuck at the possibilities.

It is one thing for folks to do things differently but I am seeing that most people do not really know why they do or don’t do things. They either do it that way because that is the way it has always been done. Or that is the way their friends do it or what the media says is popular. Few folks really know why they do. They don’t know the answers to even the simple questions of life. They haven’t settled it within themselves to know what they believe and why.

But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear. ~1 Peter 3:15

Creative Blogging for Points!

I read other peoples blogs trying to figure out the concepts and purposes. I have noticed that there seem to be two different blog ‘camps’. I am sure there are more but in my short time of research, this is what I see for now.

Most people are either trying to maintain decorum, positive thinking, and bright flashy ‘writing’ or just write absolutely anything that comes to mind that... gee just came to mind.

This blogging seems to do with one’s own independent thoughts regardless of what anyone else thinks and that is fine. We have constitutional rights to say and write anything. I think they call it free speech.

Then there are those who are writing for points. They get invisible bonus points for how many comments they can solicit, how many visitors they can attract, or how many times someone else links to them as one of their favorite blogs. Creating artistic blogging titles helps is what I am noticing.

I see some folks writing in a specific fashion to generate answers and to create more flow. There are the one’s that are looking extremely popular because they have stuff on it that is getting folks attention like their sex life, their woes and their daily life rituals.

I know that when I go to the pages on Blogstream and view by popularity there really doesn’t seem to have any consistency. I would think that the ones with the most blogs would rate highest, followed by the ones with the most comments to their blogs or even the page visited the most often. I was listed on page four even though for about two pages before me most had seemed to only write 2-3 total blogs and fewer comments. So who knows?

Why am I blogging? I am trying to compile the thoughts of my relearning. I am trying to put things in order. I have always written but I am finally making some of it public not necessarily for public promotion but possibly as a stepping-stone to future writing.

Mostly I am looking for like-minded folks. I am curious to see if I am the only one that God is taking through this journey. I know it is a different journey and I am being criticized by friends for not doing it the way they do. Nevertheless, I am not in this for approval ratings from anyone. If in the process, I find others that are also on the journey out of religion then that will be prize enough.

Vain Repetitions?

I recently received a prayer book in the mail… quite by accident. I clicked on a button on a web page that I thought was going to show me these prayers or give me something to read. Instead, about two days later a book shows up in the mail. (I must have put in my address via a quick click but not realizing why).

I was indoctrinated into the Pentecostal/Charismatic church a couple of decades ago. I got involved in all sorts of unbiblical and extra-biblical practices having to do with various styles of prayer. I used to have many books that would detail prayers to pray for any kind of ailment. Of course, there is the popular Prayers That Avail Much by Germaine Copeland. I think it introduced folks into being able to pray according to scripture. It was very helpful to me at the beginning of my walk with Christ.

The book I received in the mail reminded me of some of the books I previously used passionately. To give an example from this book, they have one called the ‘Comprehensive Daily Prayer.’ It reads: I ask You to forgive us for all our sins, iniquities, trespasses, transgressions, sins of commission, sins of omission and any other sins that are listed on page 25. Then it reads like an alphabetical laundry list of possible sins listing almost 100 possibilities! Wow!

I am so glad when the disciples asked Jesus to teach them how to pray he was very simple. In Luke 11:2-4 Jesus gives the example of prayer being: When ye pray, say, Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth. Give us day by day our daily bread. And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.

This prayer is repeated in Matthew 6:4 but interestingly enough it is quickly followed by these words in verses 5-8: And when you pray, you shall not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But you, when you pray, enter into your closet, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father which is in secret; and your Father which sees in secret shall reward you openly. But when you pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking. Be not therefore like unto them: for your Father knows what things you have need of, before you ask him.

How so very religious and righteous of me to think it was just the Catholics or Jews that prayed in vain repetitions. The Protestants are equally guilty.

Forgive us Lord for being so religious. Forgive us for adding and taking away from your words. Give us a heart to simply love you.

(Side note: As you can tell from the piece for art I created that I pegged only the Catholics of vain repetitions. Forgive me.)

A Slight Misunderstanding?

For as long as I can remember I was taught from every Christian avenue possible that it was just shy of an unforgivable sin to not go to church. I mean the building that has a ‘worship’ service, many events, speakers, classes, teachings and so on. I think if you ask most ‘Christians’ today they would agree to what I am going to use as my text to back up that teaching.

The main scripture that is used, quoted… and sorely misused is this: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. ~ Hebrews 10:25

It has been used as a guilt device to make sure that the weekly church folk keep coming to church. In my estimation it is a form of an up sale so that they guarantee they have a captive audience to their somewhat stale sermon and of course the higher the numbers in the seats then the more money in the offerings. (None of which is biblical I might add.)

Just hold on before you get too righteously indignant. Hear me out and let the scripture and the Spirit bear if there is truth. The two verses I will use to make my point are Matthew 27:46 and 2 Timothy 4:10. They read like this: And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? ~ Matthew 27:46 and For Demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world, and is departed unto Thessalonica; Crescens to Galatia, Titus unto Dalmatia. ~ 2 Timothy 4:10.

The Greek word for ‘forsaken’ is egkataleipo and it means to abandon, desert, leave in straits, leave helpless, totally abandoned, utterly forsaken, to leave behind among, or to leave surviving. This word egkataleipo is used in all three scriptures mentioned so far.

While Jesus was on the cross about the die for all of humanity I do not think he was saying, Oh God why won’t you fellowship with me weekly. He was speaking of the unfathomable void of having him and his Father in a complete, total, indescribable separation. He was speaking of being utterly forsaken… even if but for a short time and for a great reason.

When Paul said Demas forsook him it did not mean that Demas just stopped fellowshipping with Paul but he loved the world more and parted ways. In James 4:4 it says, Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a ‘friend’ of the world is the enemy of God. Therefore, for Demas to love the world, not just have a friendship with it meant that he was an enemy of God, thus having forsaken the faith.

Too many Christians misuse this scripture in Hebrews and unfortunately, it is being spilled out directly from the pulpits that we trust in. This verse is speaking of completely walking away from the faith, turning tail, and loving the world more than the gospel and has nothing to do with the guilt trips the churches place on the brethren to get them into the church every week.

Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. ~ 2Timothy 2:15

I think the ‘church’ has taken dividing the word rightly as an enormous task that can only be sermonized by the super spiritual or folks with degrees. I have neither of those. I have a concordance and a computer with Internet service to do a Google search on just about anything that turns my fancy. I have a few bible programs installed on my computer that give me commentaries, different versions, Greek, Hebrew and a whole host of other options. One I purchased for $10 and the other I got free at http://www.e-sword.net/... and I have basic common sense.

I do have one other thing that is necessary. I have the want-to to learn the truth and not be so gullible and weak kneed in believing every wind of doctrine that is being preached even if it is from your Sunday morning pulpit. It is sad and scary but true. Each of us independently will be held accountable for what we did with what we were told or not told. Our salvation, knowledge and growth in Christ are not solely dependant on someone else feeding us the milk.

Do me a favor, please? Download that program and do the research yourself. Get out your Strong’s or borrow one. Look up the verses I quoted to verify I am not just feeding you more junk. You will feel very liberated when you learn the truth. It is a bit disheartening and overwhelming if you have to come to grips with the fact that you may have been taught in error… and that you believed it. I have been there all too many times but I am learning how to handle the disappointment. Those teachers are still mere humans with grand faults… just like you and me. A bit more accountable for teaching false material to whole congregations but that is between them and God. In the meantime, your knowledge of truth is between you and your God alone.

Study on!!

Blinker Fluid?

The other day my grown daughter asked some of the guys in the neighborhood to help with her car. They checked the fluids, wipers, tires, etc. They were helping her to keep the car safe while she drives around in the snow with two little children.

The guys are practical jokers and thought they would pull a good one on her by asking about the blinker fluid. Thankfully, my daughter is not as gullible as some would believe and she just laughed.

I have a woman that emails me often with all sorts of silliness from alerts to warnings to a whole variety of chain letters that desperately and immediately need to be passed on to all my friends so that the blessings of God won’t be broken in my life.

I take the alerts and warnings, do a copy/paste of the first two sentences or so, and slam them into a Google search. Undoubtedly, they will show up on hoaxbusters.com or hoaxslayer.com. Those are sites dedicated to exposing hoaxes, myths and just junk in general.

It completely fascinates me at what some people will pass around in the name of truth, especially when it generates such false fears. The bible talks about being sober minded. It speaks of being watchful and sober. In the Greek that means to be sober, calm and collected in spirit, to be temperate, dispassionate, or circumspect.

Whether someone is trying to convince you that ‘your angel’ (which by the way is not biblical) wants to bless the first 20 folks on your mailing list but only if you get the email sent to him or her within 3 hours or that your blinker fluid needs to be checked, use caution and don’t be afraid to question its soundness, intelligibility or common sense.

For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables. But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry. ~ 2 Timothy 4:3-5

A 22-Foot White 'Golden Calf'?

We went for a ride today and ended up at the Mother Cabrini Shrine. I have driven past it for almost 15 years but never went up the mountain to see what it was. I had heard rumors in the past about apparitions there and the pilgrimages by the ‘faithful’.

As we ascended the mountain there were a few non-descript buildings. Further along there was a church. We parked and began to walk. There were small, medium and larger statues everywhere of Mary, Joseph and Jesus and then there was ‘the’ statue at the top of the mountain of Jesus. It stands 22 feet tall.

The 373 steps upward were covered in snow and not visible. There was a rope and a sign that said that they were taking donations to keep the road safe or something to that effect.

Pictures of Mother Cabrini were everywhere. There was a spring where I later researched was where she must have thought she was like Moses and hit a stick against the rock and a spring burst forth. The water had been tapped; there is seating and plenty of paper cups available if you wanted to drink. Research says that there is spiritual power in the waters. There was a limit of only a gallon per family.

In the process of Mother Cabrini becoming a saint, she was beatified, canonized and venerated. The saints mentioned in the New Testament 61 times refer to those that have professed Christ. Simply put.

I was taking pictures of the statues. One was of Mary with three little cherubim at her feet. A man that was possibly a worker on the property stopped and asked if I wanted my picture with her. Inside I was a bit stunned. His inflections were almost as if he were speaking of God himself, Deity in person. I turned and politely declined. Of course, it got me thinking.

Has Mary surpassed the greatness of Jesus? Did folks really think that a 22-foot statue of Jesus on top of Lookout Mountain was really Jesus watching over Denver? How can one have a living relationship with a statue? That is a lot of superstition going on and a lot of religious hullabaloo.

I am so glad that I have the Spirit of the living God within me. I don’t have to worry if I forgot my medal, statue or artifact in the midst of everything I daily do.

Sincerely,
Saint Dawn

I would that God were laughing at me, yet I fear He is crying. ~ DMA

God, Can You Speak Louder... Please?

While I was in Connecticut in January, my husband and I took a train into New York City. We came in through Grand Central Station. We experienced the train, the subway, the taxis, bus, and boat. We tried a New York pizza to see was their any difference from a Colorado pizza. We experienced many different things in those two days. Although the weather was ‘warmer’ than Denver’s temperatures – it was freezing! I suppose because of the surrounding water and the serious blowing winds.

In Denver, we live on an ‘apartment farm’. For those who do not know what that is imagine 10-20 acres with nothing but building after building of apartments. Not like Brooklyn apartments. Not high-rises but two story buildings that house about 800-1000 people. Outside of the ‘farm’ are complete open spaces, hills, and scenery. A mile away is a freeway and a large hospital but from the farm area, they are not visible. One could hear the rush of cars on an early morning walk, but it is not too overwhelming. It is just enough to break the complete hush of the morning.

After two days in the concrete jungles of New York, there was one thought that just kept echoing repeatedly within me, “How can anyone hear God with all this noise?” and “God, if you wanted to speak could anyone hear you?” It was not just all the noise of the vehicles and horns blowing, but the constant movement of people, lights, vehicles, buildings, etc. In Times Square, they had whole buildings that had moving advertisements on them up 10-20 stories high. It was overwhelming.

You could barely hear your own thoughts let alone God. I was deeply saddened. I was becoming besieged with all the action and noise so I tucked into a restaurant to use the restroom only to discover that they had loud rock n’ roll playing in there also! I couldn’t seem to escape the invasion.

I needed to get some ‘down’ time to recharge and hear God. Beyond all the noise of New York all I could have the sense of hearing was wondering how could anyone hear God if he wanted to speak to them. Does one eventually block out the constant sensory overload? Does one get used to it, blend with the scenery and then fall within themselves enabling them to ‘hear’ again? I didn’t know the answers.

I went back to the hotel to try to regroup and release from the sensory overload. It took many days to settle my equilibrium. Nevertheless, the sorrow remained in wondering about all those people in that city that might never hear God. I know God can bypass the noises and distractions of the world to those truly searching for him but I would just imagine it easier to find God in an open field where his beauty resounds and there are not nearly as many distractions.